Look, I Found a Scroll Thingy
by Lil' DeiDei
Summary: Anko finds a time-travel scroll in the box of things she stole from Orochimaru, and she and the girls decide to try it out. They all have things they want to alter; what will be the results? Crackfic. Time-travel story parodying time-travel stories.
1. Time Reversal no Jutsu

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

I am still writing "Lee's Huglist", but this idea came to me, and I had to write it.

This story is a parody. As Howard worded it, it is a parody of time-travel stories using a time-travel story. That makes more sense if you say it aloud.

**Time Reversal no Jutsu**

"Look, I found a scroll thingy," the purple-haired kunoichi—_shinobi_—said.

The bunned brunette took the object from her hands. "Hmm, interesting." She opened it up to determine what type of scroll it was.

"It's a forbidden scroll," the first woman supplied helpfully.

"Oh."

"Are you sure we should use it?" a third, with platinum blonde hair, asked.

"Sure. Why not?" the first asked rhetorically.

"Where did you find it?" another blonde asked curiously.

"I don't know. It was in the box of junk I stole from Snakey-Snakey-Pedo-sama," the woman replied.

A girl with blue-black hair looked on with worried interest. "What does it do?"

The bunned girl read aloud from the scroll. "Time Reversal no Jutsu." She looked up. "I guess it's a time-travel technique," she said to the others.

"Will it work?" a girl with pink hair asked breathlessly. She had many uses for a technique like this…

"I don't know. We might as well try it out," the purple-haired woman reasoned. "But don't count on it working. If the Snake let me take it, he probably already tried it and found it no good."

The others nodded.

"What do we have to do to make it work, Tenten?" the platinum blonde girl asked.

"Um," the brunette responded. "We have to do the boar, rabbit, ox, lamb, ox, bird, horse, gorilla, and bear seals, hold hands, and then jump."

"Really?" Sakura asked, surprised and doubtful.

"Yeah. That's what it says here." She held the scroll out for the others to see.

"Wow…that seems…simple," the other blonde said.

"We also have to combine our chakra," Hinata said, pointing to that part on the scroll.

"Good." Temari sounded relieved. "I hate easy techniques. They make me worried that I'm missing something."

"I agree," Sakura nodded. "Also, the easier the technique is, the less effective it tends to be."

Anko stared at them in shock. "I have never found that!" she said.

"Well, no kidding. Your usual method of attacking people is charging at them with a battle cry and snake hands. Or a kunai," Ino said with a snort.

"Hey, I'm a jounin, aren't I?" Anko defended herself.

"True," the others agreed grudgingly.

"Right, well, let's get this show on the road!" Sakura shouted excitedly.

The others stared at her. "Are you sure? This is a forbidden technique, and we may not be able to undo it, if it _does_ work," Hinata stated.

Sakura pumped her fists in the air. "Yeah, but we _have_ to give it a try! Don't you have things you want to change?" she asked, thinking of all the things she would be able to stop from happening to her team.

"Hmm," was the general comment, with a few "True's" thrown in.

"I could date Chouji earlier! And get Shikamaru to actually train!" Ino yelled.

The others winced in sympathy for her teammates. If they thought she was troublesome before, they were in for a big surprise if this technique worked.

"I can save Gaara earlier!" Temari said with a smile. "And maybe I can do something for Kankurou as well," she added.

"What's wrong with Kankurou?" Tenten asked.

Temari stared at her. "Are you kidding? He wears makeup. And calls it 'facepaint'. And his normal mode of dress is to don a cat suit."

"Good point," Tenten agreed.

"I can confess to Naruto sooner!" Hinata said.

No one commented on that one.

"I can expand my weapon collection faster, and cut out the baby stuff. I'm going straight to nunchaku's!" Tenten yelled.

The others sweat-dropped, except Anko, who high-fived Tenten.

"And I can get Kakashi to date me sooner," the woman said, pulling out a kunai to lick it.

Temari, Sakura, Hinata, and Ino shuddered.

"Nice," Tenten said appreciatively. "But don't you want to stick around for your wedding first?"

"Nah. I'm pretty sure Kakashi isn't going to propose any time soon. Maybe if we go back in the past, I can date him sooner, and by time we catch up with this timeline, he will be ready to get hitched."

"Good idea," Temari agreed. "Maybe I should do the same with Shikamaru…"

"Now, can we do the technique?" Sakura demanded.

"All right!" five women screamed back at her.

They performed the required hand-seals, grabbed each other's hands, and jumped. There was a big puff of smoke, and then nothing.

* * *

Hinata sat up in her bed, looking around. She was in her own bedroom. _Does that mean the technique didn't work?_ she wondered. Then she shrugged. _Oh well. It was only an experiment, after all._ She got out of bed and grabbed some clothes from her closet, and went to the bathroom.

She paused in front of the mirror. "What?" she said, staring at her reflection. She was back in her old body, age twelve years old.

She whooped with joy, in a manner she had picked up from Naruto. "It worked! It worked!" Hinata dropped the clothes she was carrying onto the bathroom floor, and ran out of her room, yelling and cheering as she ran through the Hyuuga Complex.

She wondered for a moment as she passed her shocked father, sister, and cousin, why the technique had only sent her mind back in the past, rather than her whole being, but she wasn't too worried about that.

It just meant she had more time to spend with Naruto.

Oh darn. As her thoughts drifted to the blonde she loved so much, she recalled her terrible academy/genin days where Naruto barely even knew she existed.

_I'm going to have to confess __**again**__._ She gulped. She could do this. She took a deep breath and tried to regain some of her usual confidence. _It better not take him three months to respond like it did last time!_ she thought as she reentered her bedroom to finish dressing. At least this time, it didn't have to be when she was dying. This time, she had a plan.

* * *

Temari looked around her bedroom, thinking something was different. She stood up and went to her desk. Ah, that was why it felt so different. None of her pictures were present.

Did someone steal them?

She pushed that thought away. _Why would anyone steal my pictures? It's not like they are particularly interesting. You can't tell who the heck Kankurou is and_ _Gaara never smiles. And Shikamaru and I aren't into that weird stuff some people do so what the heck happened?_

And then it hit her.

"Oh my god, I've gone back in time." With that sorted, Temari left her bedroom and went to get dressed for the day.

* * *

Ino was, for some reason, on the floor of her bedroom. "Man, my back hurts," she said aloud, as she sat up and began rubbing the offending body part.

"That's a shame," a voice answered.

"Aagh! What are you doing in my room?" Ino screamed, jumping up and assuming an attack position.

"What do you mean, dear? I'm giving you your laundry," her mother said.

"Oh. Right." Ino looked sheepish. "Hey, you changed your hair," she commented. "It looks nice."

"Thank you, dear, but it is the same as it was yesterday. Are you feeling all right?" her mother asked worriedly. "Oh, of course, stupid question. You must be worried about the academy exams. Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll do fine." Her mother smiled at her encouragingly, then left the room. "Hurry and come down for breakfast!"

Ino stared.

_Oh. That means it worked? Yes!! Chouji, look out, cause here I come!_ Ino thought happily. She quickly shoved her clean laundry under her bed, figuring she would put the clothes away later, then went to get dressed.

* * *

Anko rolled out of her bed and onto the floor, then crawled her way to her kitchen, to get a glass of water.

She was halfway there when she realized she didn't actually have a headache, nor was she hung over.

"Oh." She sat up and looked around with interest. She was in her old apartment, which meant the technique had obviously been a success. "YES!" she cried. "Beat that, Snakey-Pedo!" She did a little victory dance for a few moments, then got bored and decided to get dressed.

Well, as dressed as Anko normally is.

* * *

Tenten bounded out of bed, rushed through her shower, dressed quickly in the clothing at the front of her closet, and ran out to the kitchen.

"Tenten, here's your breakfast," her mother said.

"Thanks, Kaachan!" she said. She ate the meal, kissed her mother's cheek, shouted goodbye to her father in the yard, and went to meet her team for morning training.

* * *

"Urgh," Sakura said as she sat up in bed. She looked around and noticed her old, girly bedroom. That funny white and red coat she had had when she was younger was out of her closet, hanging on the door. Which meant the technique had worked. She got rid of that thing ages ago.

"YEEEEEEESSS!" she shouted, waking up her parents.

"Sakura," her mother's voice called from the other room, over her father's tired grunts. "I know you have your academy test today, but could you be a little more quiet?"

"It's 'quieter,' but sure!" Sakura yelled back. She quickly grabbed her clothing and raced to take a shower. She had important things to do today.

And she knew nothing would be easy.


	2. The First Signs of Change

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

Note: 'Dramatic Haircut Moment' is the term Sarah1281 used to describe Sakura's haircut in the Forest of Death, and Ino's haircut during their match in the Preliminaries—except now, I think it means any time someone randomly cuts off their hair.

This story is so much fun to write. I don't want to spoil anything, but I feel kind of bad for Neji. He's taking a lot of abuse.

**The First Signs of Change**

Iruka stood at the front of the class, looking over his students to determine who was there, who looked ready, who looked nervous, and which students had not shown, and most likely would not be coming any time soon.

He was more than a little surprised to see that none of the year's best female students were present. Perhaps they were on their way?

Iruka glanced at the clock. They still had half an hour, but it was unlike them to be late. Hinata, for sure, should have been here by now. Sakura and Ino would typically arrive in about ten minutes or so.

Iruka forced himself to calm down. He sat at his desk and looked at the exam papers once more.

The classroom door open, and he quickly looked up. "Oh, hi, Naruto," he said with a smile.

"Hi, Iruka-sensei!" the blonde said back.

"You nervous?" Iruka asked.

"…No," Naruto said stubbornly. He crossed his arms. "I'm going to pass this thing for sure!"

"Of course," Iruka smiled at him.

The door opened again, and this time it really was one of the girls.

"Good morning, Hinata," Iruka said to her.

"Hai," she replied, bowing slightly. "Naruto-kun, I made you some brownies."

Naruto turned toward her. "Eh? Brownies, Hinata-chan? For me?"

She nodded, holding the box in her arms out towards him.

"Thanks!" he said, happily taking the box.

Hinata smiled at him as he opened the container and stuffed a brownie in his mouth.

"Wan' one, Iruka-sensei?" he asked their teacher.

"No, thank you," Iruka replied, put off food thanks to Naruto's eating display.

The blonde shrugged. "Hinata-chan, you look different." He frowned, trying to figure out what was unusual about her appearance.

Iruka also glanced at her. Then he did a double-take.

Hinata was wearing… a blue and orange jumpsuit, the reverse of Naruto's outfit. A black t-shirt could be seen beneath the jacket, and her black sandals complimented the outfit nicely.

A small blush appeared on Hinata's face at the double-appraisal, but she kept it under control.

"Hinata-chan, you look so cool! Where did you get the color-scheme from?" Naruto asked obliviously.

Iruka rolled his eyes, but Hinata merely smiled happily, taking Naruto's arm and leading him over to a desk to sit down. As he munched on brownies, she talked about her new outfit. Iruka was shocked to see her being so…talkative and confident.

The door opened again, and Sasuke walked coolly in. He paused in the doorway, checking for fan-girls, and was surprised when no one jumped him. Shrugging, he walked over to a desk in the back and sat down, arms on the desk and hands under his chin in his typical Sasuke Pose.

Ino came charging in a few seconds later, and Iruka sighed, bracing himself for the typical "fan-girls attack Sasuke-kun because he's sooooo cute" events of the morning. Sasuke also tensed, but Ino ignored him completely, and, oddly enough, ran up to Chouji and Shikamaru's desk.

"Move over, Cloud-boy! I'm sitting next to Chouji-kun!" she shouted.

Shikamaru's eyebrows rose into his hairline.

"'Kun'?" he asked.

"Yes, 'kun', you moron, now move!"

Shikamaru obligingly slid out of the seat, allowing Ino to quickly scuttle in and take his place. Chouji sat in shock, wondering what, exactly, had just occurred.

Shikamaru sat back down, muttering something about how troublesome it would be if he had to find another desk, so the trio was smooshed together at one desk. Ino smiled broadly, resisting the urge to wrap her arms around Chouji, and instead chattered away about how nice he looked, how nice the weather was, how excited she was about whatever it was they were doing today, and how annoying Shikamaru's habit of saying 'troublesome' was.

Chouji just sat in shock, not even bothering to eat his potato chips any more. _Big-boned people must really be in_, he thought.

"Here, I brought you some Potato Chips!" Ino said happily, pulling three bags out of her schoolbag.

"Oh. Thanks?" Chouji said.

"Of course!"

"Ino, what are you doing?" Shikamaru asked.

"I'm sitting with my teammates, what does it look like?"

"How do you know we're your teammates?" Shikamaru said.

Ino rolled her eyes. "Why wouldn't we be teammates? We're the Second Generation Ino-Shika-Chou trio!"

"…That was really cheesy," Shikamaru stated.

"Yeah, well, I don't have time to come up with a better explanation. I'm trying to get Chouji to date me!" Ino said huffily.

"…Date you?" Chouji repeated after a long minute of silence.

Ino nodded vigorously. "Yeah, we have to date!"

"Why aren't you obsessing over Sasuke?" Shikamaru asked.

"Sasuke?" she repeated, as if she really had no clue who he was talking about. Ino glanced around the room, and spotted the raven-haired boy. "Oh, _Sasuke_. Right. I remember now." She gave him a little wave, but then turned back to Chouji and Shikamaru.

The two exchanged a glance. "What happened to the fan-girl squeals?" Shikamaru asked. "And the glomping?"

"You were in love with him yesterday," Chouji pointed out.

"Oh, well, that was yesterday. This is now. Besides," she continued at their disbelieving stares, "I had a long think about it last night and I realized Sasuke is not the one for me." She winked at Chouji. "I need someone strong and manly, who doesn't attract pedophiles." She shuddered.

"Aren't you meant to be worrying about the exam?" Shikamaru pointed out.

"Pft. Please, this will be a piece of cake. Or _barb-e-q_," she stated, going back to trying to get Chouji to ask her out. "Besides, worrying is troublesome."

Shikamaru smiled as Chouji began drooling at the thought of meat wrapped in a tangy-sweet sauce. "I like you," Shikamaru said to Ino. "I really hope we are on a team together."

"Don't worry; we will be. But you can't like me like that because Temari would kill me."

"…Who's Temari?" Chouji and Shikamaru asked at the same time.

"Never mind."

* * *

Temari sneezed violently.

"Ew, don't get snot on my breakfast!" Kankurou said.

She glared at him.

"Uh-he. Sorry," he said sheepishly.

Gaara walked into the kitchen and sat coolly down at the table, without making a sound. It was easy to tell he was in the room, however, because the Killing Intent oozing off of him was immense, and stifled the breath out of the other three people in the room.

Temari turned around. "GAARA!" she screamed happily, launching herself at him for a big hug. She stepped on Kankurou's foot and knocked Baki to the ground, but she'd be damned if she let that stop her.

Unfortunately for her, however, Gaara's Automatic Defense Shield kicked in and Temari landed at full speed on a wall of sand.

"Ow," she said, sitting up and rubbing her elbow. "I forgot about that."

Gaara raised an eyebrow.

"How could you forget about _that_?" Kankurou hissed.

Temari looked at him. "Well, it's not something I feel the need to think about every second of the day." She stood from the floor and dusted her skirt off. Turning to Gaara, she said, "I just wanted to give my little brother a hug!"

Gaara's eyes narrowed.

Baki's eyes widened.

Kankurou closed his eyes and tried to think of his happy place. _Puppets and face paint, puppets and face paint, puppets and face paint._

"What?" Temari demanded.

"Why…would you want to hug Kankurou?" Baki asked, glancing at Gaara and hoping he would not realize that Temari actually wanted to hug him.

Temari glared at her sensei. "I don't want to hug _Kankurou_. I want to hug _Gaara_. Kankurou needs help, yes, but I am not going to be the one to give it to him. Now Gaara, come here and let me hug you!"

Kankurou's eyes flew open, and he stepped quickly away. "Puppets and face paint!" he yelled.

The three stared at him. "What the heck?" Temari said.

"Um…yeah. Oops." He chuckled nervously, then turned and fled.

"Okay. Totally just proved my point. But anyway," Temari said, "I really want to hug you, Gaara, and I am getting impatient. You should know that it isn't nice to make your older sister wait."

"I have never thought of either of you two as siblings," Gaara told her.

Temari dropped her arms, and went quiet. She forgot about that completely. Her eyes were inexplicably wet, but she refused to acknowledge that and turned to Gaara. "You'll change your mind. And I know just how we can do that," she said confidently.

Gaara merely stared at her.

Baki looked between the two, wondering what was going on. Temari was normally scared of Gaara, yet here she was, acting like the older sister she always wanted to be, but was too frightened to show. "What will you do?" he found himself asking.

Temari smiled. "We will go see Naruto."

* * *

Sakura left her house, and took to the rooftops to get to her destination faster. She was worried she would be late; it had taken her a little while longer to prepare than she thought it would.

After dressing, she had gathered up her weapons and medical equipment, just in case. Then she had eaten breakfast. Then she changed her outfit. Three times.

Hey, could she help it that she wanted to look absolutely perfect for today? She wanted everything to go well, and she definitely did not want to miss out on this opportunity to fix everything.

At least she had decided to forgo the Dramatic Haircut Moment for now.

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts before she fell off a roof, Sakura turned right and began running towards the building few people knew of.

It was located in an unassuming corner of the village, and there were only three ways to get in.

Sakura took the second option, which involved walking up the outer wall using chakra, and then climbing through a window.

Not very complicated, which, of course, made Sakura nervous, but she had been in here twice before, and she knew that was as complicated as it got on any of the entrances.

It was further along in the building that the real trouble came.

* * *

"All right, youthful students! We are going to begin our training with fifteen laps around Konoha!"

Tenten took off running, easily keeping pace with Lee.

Neji trailed behind the two, looking positively slow. This was not his fault, however; it would be a great feat for anyone to look quick when running with Gai and Lee, and, now, Tenten.

Gai-sensei was ahead of the three, waving at them as he ran backwards.

"Tenten, you are running most youthfully today," Gai-sensei commented on their tenth lap, which was normally the point when Tenten began to feel fatigued.

"Thanks, Gai-sensei!" she said, still running next to Lee.

Lee beamed at her, obviously pleased that she had finally found her youth.

Neji groaned and fell to the ground in a heap from exhaustion.

The other three kept running.

"Come on, Neji! You will never become youthful if you lie in the dirt!"

Tenten looked back at him, and felt a tinge of pity. "Perhaps we could work on our weapons training instead?" she suggested kindly.

"Great idea, Tenten!" Gai-sensei shouted.

Tenten smiled broadly, and pulled out her two scrolls. She opened them, and mentally cursed herself for not checking her weapons before. These weapons sucked. They were so small.

"Tenten will spar with Neji, and I will show Lee some more taijutsu moves," Gai said.

"Okay," Tenten agreed readily.

Neji looked worried as he got into his defensive Hyuuga stance.

Lee looked excited as he charged at his teacher.

Tenten looked… evil as she started throwing her weapons at Neji.

* * *

"GET OUT OF BED, YOU LAZY BUM!" a voice shouted, loudly, into Kakashi's ear.

He sprang out of bed and crashed into the roof. Then he fell back down onto his bed.

"I'm warning you," the previously-loud voice said in a dangerous tone.

Kakashi quickly hopped out of his bed, frightened, and went to cower against the wall.

"Excellent."

"Anko-san?" Kakashi said, staring at the purple-haired menace that had somehow gotten into his home, and then yelled into his ear. "What are you doing here?"

"Making sure you show up to work on time!" she replied.

"But—but that's tomorrow. I don't have to meet my team until tomorrow!" he said in a voice that was almost pleading.

"Yes, but we all know how long it takes you to get ready," she said.

"But, that's not fair!" Kakashi protested. "I barely even _know_ you! I still call you 'Anko-san!'"

Anko sighed. "While that's true, _I_ know _you_, and _everything about you_," she said creepily.

Kakashi gulped.

"So, today, you are going to get dressed and ready for the day ON TIME. Then, we will visit the Memorial Stone. Depending on how well you perform these duties, I may or may not decide to try to kill you with my snake summons."

Kakashi gulped again.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Go on, go get dressed!" she commanded, waving him away with her hands.

Kakashi hurriedly complied. He definitely did not want this woman angry at him.

She was insane.


	3. Our Students Are Strange

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

I do not know how old Shin really was, but I'm making him seventeen—same age as Hana and Itachi.

**Our Students are…Strange**

"Is it just me, or our students acting a little…strange?" Mizuki commented once he had walked into the classroom and observed the students for a few minutes.

Iruka nodded numbly.

Hinata was busy _talking_ to _Naruto_, who was eating brownies _she_ had _made for him_ as if it was something she did every day.

Ino was… flirting. While that in itself was not unusual per se, the fact that she was flirting with Chouji was very odd.

Sasuke was sitting in the back of the class, being ignored completely by one of his biggest fan-girls. He looked rather relieved, to be honest. The rest of his fan-girl/stalker club was too shy to actually talk to him, and this must have been the first peace he had got in a long time.

Kiba was talking to Shino about ninken versus kikaichuu. In other words, Kiba was proclaiming loudly that Akamaru could just pee on or eat Shino's bugs if they ever had to battle.

Shikamaru was sleeping.

Sakura was nowhere to be seen.

"Okay, class, quiet down!" Iruka said. "It is time for the Academy Graduation Test to begin." He glanced over at the door again, wondering where in the world Sakura was, and then back at the clock. He couldn't put the test off any longer.

The class all straightened in their seats, including Shikamaru.

"Did you have to poke me so hard, Ino?!" he yelled.

"Sorry," she said without feeling.

Mizuki and Iruka began passing out the papers. "No talking. No cheating. If you do either of those, you fail and will remain in the academy for another year. Good luck," Mizuki said.

Iruka smiled at the class. "You may begin."

The students turned their papers over and began writing. Mizuki picked up a book, already bored and uninterested in making sure they followed his rules, but Iruka paid rapt attention to his students, and marked zeros down for three people in the first ten minutes because they were cheating.

He noticed Naruto's frown of frustration, and couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy. He really wanted to pass and be a ninja, but, it seemed like this year again, he would not make it.

* * *

Hinata glanced over at Naruto, and wondered if she should give him her test. She knew he failed the first time in the original timeline, and that was unlikely to change just because she gave him brownies.

_Hmm… well, I tried to give him my test in the Chuunin Exams, but even then, he said no. So I will let him do this alone_, she thought. _Plus, he needs to fail so that he can beat up Mizuki and learn Kage Bunshin._

She turned back to her paper with a satisfied smile, and checked her answers a third time. She had passed with flying colors originally, and this was a breeze now, but Hinata wanted to make sure. She was cautious by nature anyway.

* * *

Ino stared at her paper, wondering how on earth she could ever have thought this was hard. _How did I even become a ninja originally, if I thought _this_ was difficult? This is easy as heck!_

She turned her paper over, and sat back in her seat, waiting until everyone else was finished.

* * *

Sasuke looked up. He had heard two papers flip over, which meant two people were finished.

Before him.

Who the heck finished before him? He was a genius, for crying out loud. This stuff was _hard!_

He spotted Ino relaxing in her seat between Chouji and Shikamaru, and his eyes widened. _Ino_ had finished before him?! What!?

Then he noticed Hinata also relaxing by Naruto, and he fell out of his chair.

"Sasuke!" Iruka said.

"Sorry!" he apologized, climbing back onto his seat.

A few people looked up from their papers, but quickly went back to work. Sasuke looked down at his page—twenty questions out of fifty left—and wondered how the heck Ino and Hinata were already done. Ino was the best kunoichi, but he had no idea about Hinata. He had always guessed she was smart, but _that smart_?!

* * *

Sakura walked down the hallway cautiously, a genjutsu disguising her presence.

She had no idea where she was.

Correction, she had _an_ idea, but that was it.

And it wasn't very helpful.

_Where the heck am I going? Why did I never ask him what number his room was? Why am I so stupid? Why am I asking myself so many questions?_

She took a deep, calming breath.

"I guess I'll have to do it the old-fashioned way," she said aloud.

With that, Sakura proceeded to open every door in the hallway, searching for one particular person.

"Arrgh!" she yelled when she reached the end of the hallway and _still_ hadn't found the man—boy—she was looking for. "Where on earth could he be?" she grumbled loudly. "Why does this place have so many freaking hallways, anyway?" she asked herself.

"There are a lot of members to ANBU ROOT, much more than anyone realizes," a voice said.

Sakura jumped and turned around. She gasped. She was pretty sure her eyeballs would have fallen out of their sockets if they weren't connected to her nerves or whatnot. "You—you! I know you!" she screamed.

The boy looked to be a few years older than Sakura, maybe seventeen or eighteen. He had grayish hair that lacked the silvery shine of Kakashi's, but instead had an almost blue quality to it. His face was kind and his eyes were a deep brown color that Sakura had seen in someone else.

"I'm sorry, but I do not know you," the boy said.

Sakura smiled at him. "Of course you don't! But I recognize you from Sai's picture book! You're his brother!"

"Who is Sai?" the boy asked, looking confused and curious.

Sakura's jaw dropped open in shock. _How could he not know the name of his brother?_ she demanded. _I know they aren't technically related, but still!_ Then she remembered that Sai actually had no name while he was in ROOT, so the name Sai was meaningless to this teenager. But then… "Why are you called Shin if Sai has no name?" she blurted out.

The boy looked very confused now. "I really have no clue what you are talking about," he said politely.

"Oh… I must not be making any sense… hmm, where do I begin?" Sakura mused aloud.

Shin watched her carefully, wondering if she was an invader or just a confused new recruit. She didn't _seem_ dangerous, but one had to be careful. On the other hand, it wasn't like ROOT had welcome meetings to every new orphan they took in. "Are you new here?" he asked her.

"Huh?" she said, stopping her mutterings for the moment.

"Are you a new recruit for ANBU ROOT?"

Her expression turned to one of disgust and horror. "_God_, no! I am actually here to rescue Sai. And you. Since you're still alive. I definitely thought you would be dead by now, but I guess you died later on. Sai never said," she told him.

"That's… nice," he said.

She smiled. "Yes, that means I have time to prevent your illness and—Oh my god! Quick, let me examine you!" Sakura gathered green chakra into her hands and prepared to give Shin a medical examination.

Shin backed quickly away. "No, thank you. I am not sure if you are trying to infiltrate our base or not, but I do not trust you and I am not so stupid as to fall for a trick like this."

"Trick?"

He nodded. "Yes, while you 'examine' me, you are really destroying the cells of my body and killing me! Now, leave before I have to attack you."

Sakura stared at him. "Why would I try to kill you?"

* * *

"Come on, Lazy, let's get a move on!"

Kakashi groaned. The woman from hell was now dragging him out of his apartment and towards the dango stand. Why on earth she wanted to eat _dango_ this early in the morning was beyond him but protesting was futile.

Anko smiled as she pulled Kakashi through the streets of Konoha. She was pleased at how far their relationship had progressed in just half an hour!

The dango stand came into view, and she sped up, forcing Kakashi to half run, half walk to keep up with her.

Pushing him into a stool at the counter, she ordered two plates of dango and smiled happily at Kakashi.

He grimaced in return.

_Good enough_, she thought. _For now._

* * *

"Who is Naruto?" Gaara asked his sister.

"Oh, um. A friend. He'll be able to help you!" Temari replied.

"Help me with what?" Gaara questioned.

"You know… Your fuzzball, as he calls them. Or in your case, Sand-Butt," she said.

"Where did the name 'Sand-Butt' come from again?" Baki asked.

"Naruto. He calls Shukaku that because Shukaku is made up of sand. And Naruto once stabbed him in the butt with a kunai."

The three men stared at her.

"This Naruto fellow sounds very…odd," Gaara said slowly, looking as if he was contemplating whether or not to kill her.

"Don't worry, you'll like him a lot. He's a jinchuuriki, just like you," Temari informed him. "Except he doesn't actually know it yet…" she said.

"I see," Gaara said.

"Ooh, this is great!" Temari squealed, realizing something else. "We can have that seal guy look at your seal and fix it! You'll be really safe then! Yay!" she cried joyfully.

"Gaara," Baki began slowly. "Would you excuse your sister and me for a moment? I need to talk to her about her sanity," he said.

Temari stopped dancing. "I'm perfectly sane," she said. "I think it would be more insane if I wasn't happy about the prospect of my younger brother being saved from the sandy-thingy inside him than if I was quiet about it," she pointed out logically.

"While that's true, I am slightly worried about the fact that overnight, you have gone from being deathly scared of Gaara-sama, to wanting to hug him and take him to a park," Baki stated.

"Well, it's a really fun park!" Temari defended.

Gaara's eyebrows disappeared. Literally. One second, they lay innocently on his face, over his eyes, the next second, Temari came along, and the eyebrows went 'poof!'

"Temari," he started, "you do realize I am twelve, right? I don't go to parks anymore." He paused. "In fact, I don't think I have ever been to a park."

Temari looked triumphant. "Exactly! That is why we must go, as soon as you meet Naruto!" She turned to Baki. "So, let's finish up breakfast, and get moving!"

Baki stared. "I don't think your father would approve…" he said lamely.

"Pft," Temari replied. "Like that matters. He'll be dead soon anyway."

Gaara and Baki stared at her in shock.

"I can't believe you said that!" Kankurou yelled, coming back into the room.

"Um," Temari began, trying to think of an explanation. "I know about the alliance with Otogakure!" she shouted, eyes closed.

* * *

Tenten paused for a second to gather her weapons and regroup them. "Neji," she started. "Perhaps we should try to perfect your Hyuuga techniques. Jumping out of the way of my weapons does not seem to be doing the trick," she said, frowning at the number of kunai sticking out of her teammate. Good thing she hadn't brought out her nunchaku yet…

Neji nodded, too worn out to say anything.

Tenten put her scrolls away, and assumed a taijutsu stance.

Neji moved, ready to block her chakra points, but she fought him back.

"Tenten, you are doing most youthfully!" Gai called over as he flipped Lee over his back.

"Gaah!" Lee shouted when he landed.

"Thanks, Gai-sensei!" Tenten beamed, blocking Neji's two fingers with her own kick. Neji went sprawling backwards and crashed into a tree.

"Tenten," Gai said seriously.

_Uh-oh. I hope he isn't going to yell at me for that…_ she thought.

"How would you like a Youthful Jumpsuit? And a Youthful Set of Weights?"

Tenten nearly face-palmed, but stopped herself just in time. "I don't know, Gai-sensei. I don't think a jumpsuit would be very flattering to the complexion of my weapons." She hoped he would buy that one.

"I think you are supposed to say 'flattering to MY complexion,' Tenten," Lee said.

Tenten shrugged. "I'll take the weights, though. It would be nice to be light and speedy."

Lee's eyes widened. "Then I must increase the size of my weights! It would not be youthful if my speed slowed! And Tenten already kept up with me while running today! Make them heavier, Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted.

Neji fell to the ground.

"Oh, Neji," Tenten said. "Do you want some weights, too?"

Gai beamed at his students. "Today has been so youthful!" he cried. "My three students are all training hard and strengthening their Fiery Wills!"


	4. I Do Not Have Amnesia

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

Warning: Insane Anko; abused Neji.

**I Do Not Have Amnesia**

Gaara, Baki, and Kankurou all stared at Temari.

"Yes, Temari," Baki finally said. "We _all_ know about the Oto-Suna alliance."

"Oh. Oops. I forgot about that."

"Again?" Gaara asked.

"Again what?" Temari said, looking confused.

"You forgot something important again," he clarified.

"Huh? What was the first thing?" Temari said.

"Oh my god!" Kankurou shouted. "She has amnesia!"

Gaara and Baki gasped in horror.

Temari whacked the three on their heads with her fan. "I do not have amnesia, morons. I just forgot the earlier part of the conversation."

Kankurou looked at her dubiously. "Yeah, but you keep forgetting important stuff. Gaara's, um… yeah, and the Sand/Sound alliance are pretty big things to forget about."

"Gaara's _demon_," Temari said. "It's okay, Kankurou. You can say it. Shukaku won't bite."

"No, but he will squash you with his sand," Kankurou pointed out.

"Yeah, but Gaara can control that Sand-Butt," Temari said with great confidence.

"What does this have to do with our agreement with the Sound?" Baki asked.

Temari stared at him. "The Sound is full of it. They plan on wiping out Konoha and then taking over Suna. And their leader, Snakey-Sna—I mean, Orochimaru, is really creepy. We should kill him to save trouble. Oh, and they are the reason why Otousama dies." She paused. "Plus, the Hidden Leaf Village is a good place to have an alliance with. We should try to maintain our friendship with them. We are, after all, taking a treaty to them and making an agreement for peace."

"Your father has decided to do what is best for this country," Baki said. "But what do you mean they are responsible for his death? How do you know this?"

"Um…" Temari said.

Kankurou and Gaara watched her curiously. She tried desperately to think of a better answer than last time. It wasn't working.

* * *

Tenten looked down at her legs and tried not to wince. She wasn't too sure why she had suddenly decided to agree to this today, but now, seeing Gai-sensei's happy, smiling face, she knew she couldn't take it back.

So she smiled back at him and said, "Thank you for the weights, Sensei! And… and the legwarmers," she added reluctantly.

"Not a problem, youthful student! I am just so glad the three of you have all agreed to light the Fire of Passion that resides within you!" Gai screamed happily.

Lee screamed with him and the two began racing around Konoha for no apparent reason.

Neji was still lying in the dirt, looking positively worn out and fed up. He had made no move to protest when Gai-sensei walked over and put the weights on his arms and legs, and Tenten knew there was definitely something wrong with him.

She decided to go have a chat with him about it.

"Neji," she said.

He looked up at her from his awkward position on the forest floor.

"What's wrong?"

He began to laugh. It was an odd noise, not least because it was coming from Neji, but there was something else. It sounded… crazy.

Tenten swallowed, wondering if she overdid the weapons.

"It's funny you should ask that," Neji said when his mirthless giggles finally quieted. "Where shall I begin? I woke up this morning, as usual, and went about my morning rituals, while plotting ways to get back at the head family."

Tenten nodded. She knew how Neji liked to spend his mornings.

"But as I was walking through the house to get some breakfast, Hinata-sama came running by shouting 'It works!' at the top of her lungs. Then she left the Hyuuga Complex wearing an outfit suspiciously similar to Naruto-san's. When I showed up for training, you were not acting any different than usual, but Gai-sensei seems more determined to push us down the 'Path of Youth' than usual, and I _know_ it is _not_ my destiny to be a spandex-clad loser," Neji said.

"Oh," Tenten replied to his rant, not really sure what else to say.

Neji looked at her expectantly. "Well, what are we going to do about it?" he demanded.

"Do about what? I kind of like my new weights," she said. "I'm not too keen on the legwarmers, though. I don't think yellow is a good color to put with pink and green."

"TENTEN!" Neji shouted. "We cannot give in to this youthful stuff! We have to take our weights off and break free from this terrible atrocity known as Gai-sensei! In fact, I say we go demand a new teacher from the Hokage RIGHT NOW!" Neji attempted to stand up, but the weights, the running, the kunai, and the taijutsu sparring had clearly tired him out much more than he realized, and he fell back down. "Dagnammit!" he shouted.

Tenten stood up and decided to run with Gai and Lee.

"Tenten, come back! I need help getting up!" Neji called after her.

* * *

Sakura's hands still glowed green, as she watched Shin trying to explain why he thought she would kill him. "I'm not going to kill you," she told him again.

He looked doubtful. "Earlier, you said you thought I was dead," he reminded her.

"Yes, but right after that, I said I would rescue you too since you aren't dead," she reminded him.

He remained untrusting. "I still don't believe you."

Sakura sighed. "Look, I know it is hard to believe, but I really am here to help you and Sai." She suddenly remembered something. "Oh! Now I know why you can't help me!" She rushed forward. "Hold still," she told him, grabbing his chin with one hand and opening his mouth. She moved her hand in front of his mouth to allow her chakra to access the tattoo on his tongue, the one Danzou placed there to ensure his subordinate's loyalty.

Unfortunately, Sakura couldn't get it off with even her advanced medical skills. She was not really expecting, too, however. As much as she hated Danzou, she could not deny the man had done a good job of ensuring ROOT members would never talk bad about him or reveal his plans.

"Can I have my shin back?" Shin asked, mouth still held open by Sakura's hand.

"Huh?" she asked. "I don't have your shin," she told him, dropping her hand.

"Chin," he corrected, rubbing the body part with one hand and stretching his mouth experimentally.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. "I guess I held you still too long…"

"What were you attempting to do?" he asked curiously.

"Remove your tattoo," she answered.

His eyes widened. "Remove… why?"

She gave him a look. "Why else? Because it will paralyze you if you talk about Danzou, and since I am trying to get you out of ROOT, that would be bad," she explained.

"I see."

"Anyway, it didn't work. Also, I couldn't find any traces of illness, so I have no clue what you were supposed to die from, but I will be keeping a close eye on you from now on. I wonder if I can get Tsunade-shis—sama to give you an examination. Anyway," she said, no longer thinking aloud but instead actually attempting to hold a conversation, "let's find Sai and then go kill Danzou."

Shin's eyes widened further. "Kill—kill Danzou?"

"Of course. Obviously, that's the only way to get rid of the Cursed Seal on your tongue," she told him as if it was obvious.

"How do you know this?" Shin asked suspiciously.

"It came to me… in a dream!" Sakura answered lamely.

Shin stared at her.

**

* * *

**

Satisfied that she and Kakashi had had enough dango, Anko paid the bill and began dragging him toward the Memorial Stone.

"I can walk without assistance, you know," he told her sarcastically.

Anko smiled. Kakashi never was one to function early in the morning, especially not without food in him. "I'm sure you can, Lazy, but I want to get to the Memorial Stone before the sun sets, not after."

Kakashi glared at her, and attempted to pull his collar out of her grip. She was a lot stronger than she looked.

"Oh, and next time we go on a date, you have to pay. It's rude to make the girl part with all the cash."

Kakashi froze.

Anko kept walking.

Kakashi choked as his vest suddenly dug into his throat.

Anko let go, and Kakashi fell to the ground. He didn't bother standing.

"Date?" he repeated. "Date? DATE?!"

Anko watched uninterestedly as Kakashi freaked out over her casual use of the word 'date' to describe their impromptu breakfast this morning.

"I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU! WHY WOULD I GO ON A _DATE_ WITH YOU?!?" Kakashi screamed at her.

Anko sighed. "You do know me; you just don't know it yet. Give it time and you will come to love this relationship just as much as I do."

Kakashi was giving her the 'you are an insane, crazy, fanatical, eccentric wacko' look, which she got all the time. Interestingly, he also looked a little bit scared.

"Kakashi," Anko said seriously. "We _are_ dating whether you like it or not. So I suggest you calm down and give it a chance. At least I didn't make you pay for breakfast," she comforted him.

"But, but. I don't know you," he whined.

Anko gave him a hard glare.

He shivered.

"We _are_ dating," she said, pulling out a kunai.

"Yes, Anko-sa—" he said, but stopped at her glare. "Anko—Anko-chan?"

"That's excellent," she said, beaming.

Kakashi shivered once more, wondering why on earth this woman had decided she wanted to date _him_ of all people.

**

* * *

**

The test was finally over, and Ino happily passed her papers forward, along with those of the people behind her and next to her. "So, how'd you do?" she asked Chouji, who had been making worried grunts throughout the exam.

"Okay, I guess," he said, shrugging. "I knew most of the answers but there were a few I had to guess on."

Ino nodded, pretending she had had the same problems.

"You finished really fast, Ino," Shikamaru said.

Ino gave him an annoyed glare. "Yeah, I did," she said, not wanting to say that it had been really easy for her. She didn't want to isolate Chouji.

"It seemed like it was really easy for you," Shikamaru continued, ignoring her glares completely.

"Yes, it was. Now shut up," she said.

"You even finished before Sasuke." God, was he deaf? _Shut up, Pineapple head-cloud boy!_ she thought angrily.

"So did you," Chouji pointed out.

Shikamaru shrugged. "Yeah, but I made my answers up. It was pretty easy to guess the patterns for the multiple choice parts, once I figured out the sequence to the first five problems, and then for the essay, I just wrote down what I thought would be a likely scenario and fudged the rest."

"… You are such a nerd," Ino told him.

Chouji looked offended. "Ino, he's not a nerd. He's a genius! I'll bet no one else could figure out the sequence!"

"Yeah, cause no one else is lame enough to try," Ino responded. "But the essay part you did well," she assured Shikamaru.

"Thanks," he said dryly, before putting his head on his arms and going to sleep.

Ino stared at him. "Is that all he does?" she asked. "How does Temari put up with him?"

"He has more options if you can find the remote," Chouji answered. "Who is Temari? This is the second time you've brought her up."

"That was quite funny!" Ino sounded surprised. "Temari is… a friend. You'll meet her… sometime."

"Well, that was vague."

"Sorry," Ino said sheepishly. "But I can't say too much more."

"Why not?" Chouji asked curiously.

"Students, listen up," Iruka said, before Chouji could press her further. "We are going to put these through the Scantron machine, and then the second test will begin once we know who has passed. The second part of the exam will be a practical skills test, so if you would like to practice for the next half hour, please do so quietly, in the back of the classroom."

"No substituting for classmates or test papers," Mizuki warned.

"Aw, man," Kiba said, sounding disappointed.

"I told you my bugs were better," Shino informed him.

"… What does that have to do with anything?" Kiba wanted to know.

"I just felt this was the appropriate time to bring it up," Shino answered.

"Naruto-kun, did you do well?" Hinata asked.

"Um… I think so. I don't know. I got all the Hokage questions right, and the ones about the village, but I don't think I did so well on the written knowledge part. I can do techniques, but describing them is hard."

Hinata nodded understandingly. "Would you like another brownie?" she offered him, reminding him of the box she had given him earlier.

"No, thanks," he said, sounding glum. He quickly continued. "It's not that they weren't good; they were really yummy," he assured her. "It's just… I kind of prefer ramen."

"I was prepared for that," Hinata told him. "Wait right here." With that, she got up and charged out of the room.

Naruto blinked. "Um, okay?" he said to the air.


	5. Beyond Strange

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

I'm extending the length of the chapters because it sort of feels like it's taking a really long time to get anywhere. I'm already on Chapter 5, and we haven't even finished the academy graduation. At this rate, I'll be at 100 chapters before the Wave Mission even starts…

Kind of mushy in this chapter...

**Beyond Strange**

Hinata came running back into the classroom a few minutes later, a new box of what Naruto assumed were brownies in her hand. He felt a little guilty. The brownies were good, but he just didn't feel like eating them anymore. He was really nervous about the next part of the test…

"Here, Naruto-kun," Hinata said, holding the new box out to him.

He took it slowly, and pulled the lid off. He looked up and saw Hinata's smiling face, and felt even guiltier. Wanting to keep her happy, he picked up two brownies, and stuffed them in his mouth at the same time.

They had… an odd taste to them. Naruto slowed his chewing to consider what it was. Underneath the fudgy chocolatey-ness was… something that tasted suspiciously like Miso Pork Ramen. He looked at Hinata, whose smile had stretched even further.

"Do you taste it?" she asked.

He looked at the brownies, then back at her, shocked. "Ramen?" he asked. She nodded. "You—you made ramen brownies? For me?" Naruto felt his eyes tear up, and he hastily swallowed the brownies and brushed the crumbs off his hands. Then he launched himself at Hinata. "Hinata-chan!" he shouted loudly, crying over the fact that he had someone who not only did not hate him, but who had also made him ramen brownies.

* * *

Ino looked up as Naruto flung himself toward Hinata, bawling loudly. "What the heck?" she asked no one in particular.

Chouji narrowed his eyes. "Looks like she gave him some brownies," he said.

"Oh."

"…Want one?" Chouji asked a few seconds later, holding a box of brownies towards Ino.

"When did you get those?" she asked, surprised, even as she grabbed two of the fudgy goodness.

"Partial Body Expansion," he replied, making his right arm grow bigger.

Ino's eyes widened before she burst out laughing. "That's great, Chouji!" she said between laughs.

Chouji beamed.

Shikamaru woke up with a small snort, and looked around, confused. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing," Ino said, with a wave of her hand, before she bit into one of the brownies.

"Where'd you get that?" Shikamaru asked her with narrowed eyes.

"Chouji got some from Naruto who got them from Hinata." She chewed on the brownie. Then she stopped, and looked at it for a second. "This is disgusting!" She looked at Chouji, who seemed to be feeling the same way. She was just about to ask what was in them when Naruto suddenly shouted.

"Hinata-chan, you're so nice! No one has ever made me ramen brownies before!"

Ino and Chouji exchanged a quick glance, then both jumped out of their seats and ran for the bathrooms, hoping it wasn't too late to get the brownies out of their systems.

"Ino, Chouji, where are you going?" Iruka called after them. "We need to begin the next test!"

Mizuki set his book down and stared at the door. "This is beyond strange. First, Haruno Sakura doesn't even show up, and, no offense to her, but she's the biggest academic nerd in this whole academy, then Ino and Chouji are running around looking decidedly sick while the demo—Uzamaki is crying over the Hyuuga heiress about how nice she is for making brownies which contain ramen spicing."

Iruka blinked. "Wow, I didn't know Hinata had such odd tastes in food."

"I think you're missing the point here," Mizuki said, just as his book disappeared and was replaced with… Kiba. "Kiba, what are you doing?" Mizuki asked the boy sitting on his desk.

Kiba looked around. "Oh, sorry, Mizuki-sensei," he said. "I was trying to get away from Shino. He told me he was going to prove that his bugs were better… and I decided to get away before he could do that." Akamaru popped his head up out of Kiba's coat and yipped an agreement. "Hmm, it's really comfy up here," Kiba said, shifting slightly to sit more fully on the desk.

Mizuki's eye twitched in annoyance. "Inuzuka Kiba, where is my book?"

"What book was it?" Kiba asked, not even reacting to the annoyance in Mizuki's tone.

"_Icha Icha Violence_," Mizuki growled.

Kiba turned around, disapproval on his face. "That's porn," he stated.

"I know," Mizuki ground out.

"You shouldn't be reading that in school. Besides, if Kaachan found out I helped you get it back, she would feed me to her dogs," Kiba said.

"Where is my book?!" Mizuki yelled.

Kiba blinked. "Up there, where I was. I think Shino may have attacked it with his bugs, though, because that's why I came down here."

Mizuki hadn't heard that part, as he was already charging up towards Kiba's former seat, to retrieve his beloved book.

Naruto, from his seat, blinked as well. "Wow, I had no idea Mizuki-sensei was a pervert."

Hinata nodded. "Neither did. But this is important knowledge. We may be able to use it later," she said, thinking of the incident she knew would occur after the graduation.

"I really have no clue what you are talking about," Naruto said. "But okay. Do you want to play rock-paper-scissors?"

"Sure," she agreed.

* * *

Sakura dragged Shin down the hallway, looking once more for Sai. Then something occurred to her. "I have no clue where Sai's room is."

"I do," Shin spoke up. "At least, if I am right about who Sai is."

Sakura waited for him to continue.

"The only person I am close to here is my brother, who came here as an orphan. He does not technically have a name though," Shin said.

Sakura nodded sadly.

"We just call each other 'otoutou' and 'aniki'."

"That's so sweet!" Sakura said passionately. "But, let's make it easier, and call your brother Sai. I'm used to addressing him that way anyway."

"Um, okay?" Shin said. "Why are you used to addressing him at all?"

"Oh… he was the vision in my dream!" she shouted, clinging to her previous answer.

Shin winced, and grabbed his ear.

Sakura smiled. "Go ahead and lead the way!" Sakura proclaimed, dropping his arm, and allowing him to direct her so they actually went somewhere rather than just blindly trekking through the halls and opening every door they came across.

Shin opened the door on the right, and sure enough, Sai was sitting on his bed, painting.

Sakura turned to Shin. "Show off," she muttered. Then she rushed forward and glomped the unsuspecting Sai.

"Help, an attacker!" Sai said, waving his arms around and spraying paint everywhere.

Shin sighed. "Otoutou, you will never be a good assassin if you cannot fight off your attackers. However, this is not an attacker. She is our… rescuer," Shin said.

Sai stopped spluttering and looked at the girl hugging him tightly. "She has pink hair," he said to Shin.

"Very good observational skills," Shin said.

Sakura looked between them. "You know, that is an unfairly sarcastic comment for someone to make when that very same person thought I was trying to kill them."

"You're trying to kill Shin?" Sai asked, suddenly looking like the threatening ninja Sakura knew him to be, even though she still had her arms wrapped securely around him.

"No, he just thought I was." Sakura paused for a moment to regard Sai carefully. "You know, you're a lot different now than how you are in the—I mean, then how I thought you would be."

"She met you in a dream," Shin told Sai helpfully.

"Oh."

"Yes, it was so great! You said, 'I'm Sai, and let me tell you about ROOT'," Sakura said.

"I did? That's kind of…" the boy Sakura called 'Sai' struggled to find the word.

Sakura shrugged. Making up the lie was never easy initially, but once Sakura thought of one, she could run with it for years. "That's what happened. I did have some cheese before I went to bed last night, so that might be why it's so weird, but it felt real so I came to rescue you."

"I actually do not have a name," he said.

"We've been over this," Shin told him. "So just go with 'Sai'."

Sai shrugged. "Okay, if you say so, Aniki."

Sakura squealed happily and hugged him again. "You're so sweet to your brother!"

Sai looked at Shin uncertainly. "This contact is slightly… disturbing. Do you mind desisting?"

Sakura immediately stopped squeezing him so that his innards felt as though they should look for an escape route. "Sorry. You were very kind in my dream, and I missed that."

"I no longer believe you are here to kill us," Shin spoke, "but it would be agreeable if you were to tell us your name."

"Oh," Sakura said, surprised. "I didn't tell you my name? Oops. That was dumb of me. I'm Haruno Sakura."

"Shin."

"Sai, apparently."

Sakura beamed. "How nice to meet you both! Let's go kill Danzou now!"

"Huh? Kill Danzou?"

"We've been over this, too," Shin told him.

* * *

Tenten ran with her sensei and teammate, feeling pretty pleased with the day's training. She was really pushing her muscles today, and her weapons had all hit their targets. She wanted bigger weapons still, but she would survive for now.

"Gai-sensei," she called, as they made their way past the training ground for the fourth time on this race. Neji was still lying on the ground, his unicorn patterned legwarmers sparkling happily in the sun.

Yes, it did say unicorn patterned. With sparkles. Poor Neji.

"Where did you get the legwarmers from?" she asked.

Gai turned around with a big smile, running backwards. Lee also turned around, thinking this was another way to make his training more difficult. "Lee and I found them at Suna Grocer last time we went, and we just had to buy them! They were youthfully on sale! Five pairs of legwarmers for five dollars! Don't you love the patterns?" Gai shouted.

Tenten nodded. The yellow wasn't so bad. "Can we learn some new jutsu today?" she asked. "Oh, sorry, Lee! That was insensitive of me!" Tenten bowed profusely to her teammate, while still running.

"Not a problem, Tenten! I have no issues with my chakra coils, and I hold no grudges against you for your comment! I was hoping Gai-sensei would assist me with my taijutsu training, but if you learn a new technique, I can practice by dodging it! It will surely help both of our knowledge!" Lee screamed at her, bowing back.

"Okay!" Tenten said happily.

Gai immediately stopped running and Tenten charged into him, being in the middle of a bow and still running at full speed. "Sorry, Gai-sensei!" Tenten said when her teacher fell over.

Gai jumped youthfully back up. "Not a problem, Tenten!" he said, sounding like his student. "Let us go join Neji at the training ground!" He ran off toward their chosen training spot, only to find his student lying on the ground, muttering something under his breath. Gai leaned closer to Neji, putting his face right next to the boy's.

Neji mumbled something unintelligible.

"What was that, Neji?" Gai shouted in his student's ear.

Tenten and Lee stood off to the side.

Gai shrugged. "I guess Neji just isn't feeling youthful today," he said, shaking his head sadly. "Never mind! Let us train!" The three other members of Team Nine bounced into the clearing, ready to teach, learn, and dodge a new technique, respectively.

Neji slumped into unconsciousness, having been mumbling about how odd he felt for at least five minutes.

* * *

Temari couldn't think of anything to say. Her normal list of excuses would definitely not work here, and she couldn't give anything away. She sighed. "Let's just go to Konoha now," she said.

"You haven't answered our questions," Baki pointed out.

Temari sighed again. "I promise everything will be explained later," she said.

Baki narrowed his eyes. "You said your father was going to die. If you have information on that, then I need to know what it is."

"Okay," Temari agreed reluctantly. "But first let's go visit Otousama to make sure we can leave the city. We might as well deliver the treaty since we're going anyway. Also, we want to check to make sure that man really is Father. For all I know, Snakey—dagnammit, Anko, that's always the first thing out of my mouth!" she shouted. She took a deep breath. "Ahem. For all I know," she tried again, "_Orochimaru _might have already killed him."

"Then we shouldn't waste any time," Baki said, heading out the door. Kankurou followed after him, giving Temari an odd glance.

Temari grabbed Gaara's hand and pulled him along with her to the Kazekage office. He looked at their joined hands in shock, and stopped walking. "Gaara?" Temari said, glancing back at him.

"Our—my—hands—no shield? What?" Gaara said incoherently.

Temari stopped trying to keep walking and turned towards him fully. "What's wrong?"

Gaara was gaping at their hands still.

"Oh," Temari said, realizing the problem. She quickly, regretfully, let go of her brother's hand.

Gaara looked up, shocked. "How did you hold my hand? Why didn't my shield come up?"

"Because I wasn't trying to hurt you," she explained.

"But—but, that felt so weird!" Gaara said.

Temari looked at her feet, deeply ashamed and saddened. "I'm sorry, Gaara. I guess it felt weird cause no one tried to hold your hand before. But it's meant to be comforting." She looked back up at him. "I suppose the shield could tell I wasn't going to hurt you…" she trailed off, waiting to see what he would say.

"Then why did it come up when you tried to… 'hug' me?" Gaara asked.

Temari blushed slightly. "I suppose jumping at you was the problem there… that wasn't so much a hug as a 'glomp' for my otoutou."

"Otoutou," Gaara repeated.

"Yeah, you're my otoutou, Kankurou's my imoutou."

"That's so cruel!" Kankurou, only a few feet ahead with Baki, protested. "I am not your younger sister!"

"Whatever you say," Temari agreed sarcastically.

"Can… can we try hugging again?" Gaara asked.

"Really?" Temari asked, impossibly happy, with a huge smile on her face, rivaling Naruto's grins.

Gaara nodded.

"How sweet!" Kankurou said, crying and hugging Baki, who looked distinctly… horrified.

* * *

Anko stopped abusing Kakashi when they reached the Memorial Stone, much to the man's relief. He wondered if he could find some way to make her go away while he was here, although he had a feeling she wouldn't allow him to stay long enough for a boredom trick to work.

He pushed that from his mind as he knelt in front of the stone, trying instead to think of his deceased friends and mentor. Anko remained respectfully back, and Kakashi found it easy to forget she was even there as he just thought of what Obito, Minato, Rin, and others had been like in life.

He couldn't resist begging them for protection from above, though, especially with regards to this woman.

His earlier thought about her sanity was definitely not inaccurate, oh no. The only part he had been wrong on was just _how_ insane she was. He wasn't too sure if he would make it to the end of the day alive, if they carried on at their current rate.

Shaking his head once more, he stood up. He couldn't really think of his friends properly, knowing what she had in store for him. Or not knowing, technically. "Good day, friends. Sensei," he said quietly, before turning back to the scary woman behind him, who, surprisingly, looked rather subdued and calm.

Then she smiled.

_Oh, Kami. Scariness back in full force_, Kakashi thought.

"Are you done?" she asked.

He nodded.

"See?" she said, as if they were having a conversation previously about whatever topic she was about to bring up. "You don't actually have to spend all morning here after all. Your students may actually learn something!"

"Yes, but I typically feel like I should punish myself when I come here," Kakashi answered without thinking about it.

"I'm sorry," Anko said softly after a moment.

Kakashi looked up at her, surprised to hear such a statement from her. It sounded so… genuine.

"Right, let's go! No time to stand around!" she shouted, destroying the moment as she once again grabbed his collar and dragged him away.

"Where are we going?" Kakashi spluttered out.

"Where do you think? The Hokage Tower! You have to argue for your team!"

"Argue? For my team?" Kakashi was confused.

Anko gave him a look. "Yes, Lazy. The Hokage will tell you and the other jounins who you're going to teach. If you want a good team, you kind of have to be present to decide."

"I don't care who I get. They'll fail anyway!" Kakashi protested, valiantly trying to free his collar.

Anko stopped, and Kakashi quickly did the same. He remembered what happened before, and was in no hurry to feel it again. "You won't fail this team," she said confidently.

"What makes you so sure?"

"Because, they're special. And maybe this time, we can make them great!" Anko said.

"'We'?" Kakashi repeated, it being the only thing out of her previous sentence that stuck in his memory.

She nodded. "Of course. Since I'm not going to get my own team, I might as well help with yours. I don't take that many missions anyway," she said.

Then she resumed her brisk pace, and Kakashi once more had to struggle to remain upright as they headed to the Hokage Tower. He still managed to shudder in horror, though.

All he could think on this trek to the Tower was, _Kami, I hope I do pass them. I don't want to be stuck with Anko alone!!!_


	6. Hokagesama, Urgent Message!

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Masashi Kishimoto.

The Kazekage's name is unknown. I could have made one up but writing 'the Kazekage' each time I mention him is actually quite entertaining.

This chapter is not as cracky, because I am working on advancing the plot, but rest assured that I cannot maintain seriousness for very long, so we will be back to crack shortly.

**Hokage-sama, Urgent Message!**

Baki, Kankurou, Temari, and Gaara (who was still holding Temari's hand) made it to the Kazekage's office in a relatively short space of time. Since they lived in the building which looks remarkably like a big ball or perhaps goldfish bowl, they knew the shortcuts.

Temari pushed the door open and stepped inside. "Sasuke!" she shouted.

The Kazekage looked up from his paperwork.

"Uchiha!"

He blinked.

"Sharingan!" Temari shouted her last 'Is It Really Otousama?' Test Question.

And the Kazekage blinked once more. "I—why are you shouting about a dead clan and bloodline limit of Konoha?" he asked.

Temari chuckled sheepishly. "Just checking…"

"That was your plan? Run in here and shout about stuff from Konoha?" Kankurou asked. "What does that even prove?"

"Well, if he was Orochimaru, he would have freaked out when I said Sasuke, and gone into 'pedophile' mode," Temari responded.

"Um…" Kankurou didn't know what to say.

The Kazekage turned to Baki. "Is she feeling all right? It's not… _that_ time of the month again, is it?"

Before Baki could answer, Kankurou interjected, "I thought only Gaara had a time of the month."

Temari choked on her spit. "Oh Kami, Kankurou, that's not what he means."

Kankurou stared at her blankly. "What did he mean then?"

Temari stared back at him. "Otousama, you need to give my brothers the Talk," she announced.

The Kazekage coughed. "Those are not matters I deal with. I have a village to lead." He turned to Baki.

"Oh no, not me! I think something like that requires… a lady's input. Someone who can handle it more delicately," he said, looking at Temari.

"How did we even get onto this subject?" the Kazekage wondered aloud.

The three other men pointed at Temari.

"Hey!" she protested. "It's not my fault I wanted to make sure Orochimaru hadn't done his body replacement thingy on our father!"

Said father narrowed his eyes. "Orochimaru was going to do what with my body?"

"Not 'was going to', 'is planning to'," Temari corrected, sighing. "He is hoping to have us help him invade and destroy Konoha, then he'll either take over our village or obliterate us completely. I know you're hoping to use this as a chance to get more funds from the Daimyo, but maybe we could just kill the Daimyo instead. I like Konoha. Plus, the invasion won't work."

"How are you so knowledgeable on the subject?" the Kazekage asked. "You have only met Orochimaru once, and I would have known if you were spying."

"Um, yeah… I guess I just figured it out from that one meeting then. I mean, the guy is really creepy looking. He wears eye shadow," she answered, hoping that would be a sufficient answer.

"So does Gaara," the Kazekage responded.

"It's actually eye liner," the redhead corrected, much to everyone but Temari's surprise. "And it's only because my eyes are already very dark from my insomnia, so I make it a feature of my face using the eye liner."

"Wow, Gaara! I didn't know that was why!" Temari said. "That's so cool!"

"Have you been reading my Kabuki books?" Kankurou demanded. "Because that is exactly what it says to do!"

"Then why does your makeup look so stupid?" Temari asked.

Kankurou spluttered angrily for a few minutes. "I'm still learning, that's why! And it's face paint!" he added.

The Kazekage blinked. "This is why I try to pretend you three don't exist."

"So hurtful!" Temari fake-cried. "Anyway, Orochimaru's eye shadow is purple. And I'm not sure if he really is that pale or if he thinks it looks hot to wear foundation that makes him look like a clown, but I don't trust him."

The Kazekage mused over this. "Also, his eyes are like a snakes slits."

"Kazekage-sama, perhaps we should think this agreement over more carefully?" Baki suggested.

"No," Temari interrupted. "Play along with it, but also tell Konoha what's going on. We can form an alliance with them as we were going to do for the sake of the invasion, but actually keep it this time, then we can go against Orochimaru and Oto with them."

"Hmm… very well. I will tell the diplomats to take the scroll immediately. And we'll have to tell the council," the Kazekage said.

"I would like to take this mission," Temari said.

"You?" the Kazekage repeated.

She nodded. "There is someone we need to see there."

"Naruto," Gaara told him.

* * *

"So, do you guys know where Danzou's quarters are?" Sakura asked.

They looked at each other. "No. But if we did, we wouldn't be able to tell you, knowing what you're planning," Shin reminded her.

"Right. Well, if I was a hairy old man, where would I sleep?" Sakura mused aloud. "Hmm… I know! I would have a respectable house so no one knew I am really an evil git! He probably lives near Homura and Koharu. Hmm, should we kill them too?"

Sai stared at her. "What is wrong with our rescuer?" he asked his brother.

"She does that quite often, where she thinks aloud," Shin replied, shrugging. "You get used to it after a while."

"Right. Is that a good thing?" he asked.

"Okay!" Sakura said, having come to a decision. "If we can wipe out the three elders, we'll save the village and my friends a lot of trouble!"

"So now we're killing Danzou, Homura, and Koharu?" Shin asked, looking for confirmation.

"Yes." Sakura turned on her heel and stalked towards the exit, Sai and Shin following behind. "I think I remember where they live," she said.

Ten minutes of climbing down the building, roof-hopping to the edge of the village, and climbing up another building later, and the three stood in Danzou's bathroom.

"I'll kill him," Sakura whispered, "then we'll all go get the other two. And then we have to tell Hokage-sama what happened because there are going to be a lot of ROOT members with nothing to do."

They nodded, and she slipped the door open, peering cautiously into the hall. _What technique can I use?_ she wondered. _I could chakra-punch him, but that would take too long, and brings unpleasant images to mind. Maybe a simple slit of his throat would suffice?_

Sai, meanwhile, was contemplating how strange this girl was, and how odd it was to be inside his leader's home, planning to kill him.

Shin was wondering how long it would take to get out of the bathroom. Evidently, Danzou-sama had used it recently—how could one man make such a smell? Just as he was about to pass out from lack of air, Sakura moved out into the hall, and signaled that he and Sai should cling to the roof. Shin was a little confused. She wasn't even doing anything to disguise her presence. He could feel her chakra without trying. If she was skilled enough to get into ROOT, what was she doing now?

Luckily, Sai had the sense to mask his chakra, though, so Shin had a little less to worry about. Sure, Sai was a ROOT member the same as him, but he was hoping to avoid exposing Sai to real combat for as long as possible.

Sakura entered the kitchen and waved at Danzou, who choked on his cereal and collapsed. "Wow, that was easier than I thought it would be."

"Yeah…" Shin said, looking confused, shocked, and a little put-off.

"How on earth did he run a secret organization? He can't even eat cereal properly!" Sakura said, walking over to check his pulse. "Holy wow, he's really dead."

"That is quite…" Shin looked for the word.

"Pathetic," Sai provided, looking at a handy pocket dictionary.

"Exactly," Shin said.

"Rest in Peace, Git-face," Sakura said sincerely. Well, as sincerely as one can say 'Rest in Peace,' and then promptly address the person as 'Git-face'. She turned back to the two boys. "Let me see your tongues."

They stuck their tongues out.

"Good! It worked! Yes!!" she cheered happily.

Shin and Sai exchanged a glance, still sticking their tongues out.

"You guys can put your tongues away, you know," Sakura said. "Now, we'll go get Homura and Koharu, and then we'll tell the Hokage. I'm sure this will be noticed soon enough."

"I hate Danzou," Shin said.

"Huh?" Sakura asked, as Sai stared at him in surprise.

"I just wanted to make sure it really worked," he said. "And I have wanted to say that ever since he dragged Otoutou into the organization."

"You were willing to risk paralysis for that if it didn't work? How sweet!" Sakura said, squealing like a fan-girl.

* * *

"I would like to put Uchiha Sasuke, Uzamaki Naruto, and Haruno Sakura on a team together," Kakashi said, trying to sound confident.

Sarutobi looked at him in surprise. "Uzamaki and Uchiha? Are you sure they will get along? And you would willingly take Uchiha?"

Kakashi straightened up, offended at that last statement. "I would definitely not abandon my old teammate's sole surviving relative," he said.

"Shouldn't the Hokage be asking why he's so willing to take Uzamaki?" Kurenai whispered to Asuma.

Luckily, Asuma didn't have to answer. Not many people knew the Fourth Hokage had had a child, and Asuma fell in the category that _shouldn't_ know.

The Hokage nodded. "Okay. Good. Uzamaki will be good for the Uchiha. His friendly temperament should help with the Uchiha's… sadness."

"Emoness," Asuma coughed.

"And if it doesn't, Kakashi and I will teach Uzamaki enough jutsu to beat some sense into the Uchiha brat," Anko said, typical kunai in hand.

Everyone in the room stared at her. "Why are you even here, Anko? You're not taking on a team, are you?" Asuma asked, looking fearful for the unfortunate souls stuck with her.

She shook her head. "No. But I plan to help Kakashi with his brats." She slung an arm around his shoulder. "We'll make a great team." She pinched his cheek with her other hand and ignored the shiver he didn't quite fully suppress.

"I take it there are no objections about this team?" the Hokage asked. "Assuming Naruto graduates this year, placing him with the smartest kunoichi and the rookie of the year will give him a good foundation to start from. And Sasuke needs the companionship. Hopefully, Sakura will get over her fan-girlisms enough to help him out, too."

There were no protests from the crowd, although a few quiet coughs were heard at the last statement.

"Okay. Team Eight will consist of Hyuuga Hinata, Inuzuka Kiba, and Aburame Shino. Yuuhi Kurenai has requested this team, specialized in tracking abilities. Is this satisfactory?"

Again, no protests were made.

"And, the Ino-Shika-Chou trio have… _requested_ that their children are put together. Asuma, you have the best chance of getting this team to cooperate. Do you object?"

"No."

"Then it's settled. Meet your teams at the academy tomorrow, bright and early. Including you, Kakashi," Sarutobi Hiruzen said.

"Don't worry, Jiji," Anko said, borrowing Naruto's nickname for him. "I'll get him there on time," she promised.

Everyone shivered.

"I thought I had to argue more," Kakashi said.

Anko shrugged. "It was easier than I thought."

An ANBU appeared in the room. "Hokage-sama!"

"Hey, Raidou!" Anko said.

"Hi, Anko. I mean, use my codename! Hokage-sama, an urgent message. Counselor Danzou-sama has been murdered in his home. We found his body near a bowl… of Rice Krispies. It appears he choked on his cereal, and died from the lack of oxygen."

Before the Hokage had time to fully digest this information, another ANBU member materialized before his desk. "Hokage-sama! Urgent news! Counselors Homura and Koharu have been found dead! Their throats were slit by an intruder. We still have not determined who did this or how they got inside."

"Oh, dear. It appears there is yet another crisis for me to deal with. Genma, Raidou, go to the third tower from the northwest corner of the market. Detain all people inside. Enter through the window on the third floor. Await further instruction."

"Hai!" they both said, before disappearing.

"Oh good," a young voice said. "I was worried you weren't going to go there soon enough. It would suck to have former ROOT members wandering around the village with no idea about outside life. No offense, guys," the young girl told the two boys with her. They merely stared blankly. "May I suggest you call the Sannin back to the village?" she asked.

"Haruno Sakura. What are you doing here?" Sarutobi Hiruzen asked in what he hoped was not a nervous voice.

* * *

"Okay, youthful students! What jutsu do you wish to learn?" Gai shouted.

"Genjutsu, genjutsu, genjutsu!" Lee shouted, jumping up and down.

"Um, Lee, why do you want to learn genjutsu?" Tenten asked.

"Because I am truly susceptible to them, so I should learn to recognize them so I know not to fall prey to them!"

"That didn't make any grammatical sense at all," Tenten said, "but genjutsu sounds good."

"Okay! Tenten will learn the technique and apply it to Lee! We shall hope our poor teammate Neji recovers his health!" Gai said.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about him. Shouldn't we take him to the hospital or at least back to the Hyuuga Complex?" Tenten said.

Gai frowned. "I suppose that would be the _youthful_ thing to do. Lee, can you take Neji home while I show Tenten the basics of genjutsu?"

"Hai, Gai-sensei!" Lee said, saluting his teacher. He grabbed Neji, and slung him over his shoulder, bowing once to his teacher and teammate, before running away.

"Okay, Tenten. Now, you have learned the principles of genjutsu in the academy, but you need to learn to apply that to real-life. First, let me show you how to dispel an illusion. Create a chakra pulse, and shout 'Kai!'," Gai said.

Tenten put her hands together and gathered chakra. "Kai!"

"Good job, Tenten! Your youth is glowing beautifully!" Gai said, smiling broadly. "Now I will apply an illusion to you and you dispel it."

"Kai!"

"Good! Again!"

"Kai!"

"Again!"

Five minutes later, Tenten had exhausted Gai-sensei's supply of genjutsu, being able to dispel them all immediately. "Tenten, you have such skill in genjutsu! I should get my friend Kurenai to teach you some of hers!" Gai gushed. "My student is skilled with weaponry and illusions! I'm so proud!" He began weeping youthfully, while Tenten stood off to the side, smiling.

"Gai!" a voice called.

"Genma, Raidou!" Gai called back youthfully, wiping his eyes.

"Why does no one use our codenames?" Raidou grumbled to Genma.

Genma shrugged. "Anyway, Gai, we're heading to the ROOT tower. Guard your team, just in case. It appears the Council have been murdered."

"Murdered? Who did this?" Gai asked.

"We are still working on that. We can't say anymore at the moment," Raidou said.

Tenten watched with interest. Something about this seemed… familiar, almost. Not the fact that the council was all dead, but the fact that someone would want to murder them. Was it the Uchiha kid?

Somehow, Tenten felt she was missing something very important, but nothing really struck her as odd from her daily routine. Sure, she now had weights and legwarmers, but was that so different?

* * *

Ino was done throwing up the brownies, and walked back to the classroom. She wasn't sure if Chouji was back yet or not, but waiting for him felt awkward. When she got back, what she wasn't expecting to see was Naruto and Hinata playing rock-paper-scissors, while Kiba sat on Mizuki's desk, chatting with Iruka-sensei, and Mizuki chased Shino around the classroom with a chair in hand.

This is, however, exactly what Ino saw. Sasuke was staring into space, not in his typical 'I am an alone avenger' fashion, but rather in an 'Oh Kami, did that really happen/I've just been hit on the head by a very heavy book' fashion. Apparently, news that other smart people existed in the academy had shocked him into a stupor.

Surprisingly, Shikamaru was awake and he and Chouji seemed to be having a conversation about… something. Maybe the fact that Ino was being so odd.

Oh well. She shrugged and walked over, a big smile on her face. "I feel much better now…"

Chouji turned, nodding. "Me, too. I can't actually believe Hinata would make something like that…"

Ino shrugged. "Naruto seemed to like them. I suppose that's all that matters."

Shikamaru looked at Ino with narrowed eyes, as if trying to determine something. "Are you really Ino? You don't appear to be wearing a henge, but the Ino I know never would have acted like this. You're ignoring Sasuke, and you're talking to me and Chouji. What's up and who are you?"

_I was right about what they were discussing_, Ino thought as Chouji suddenly avoided looking at her. "I'm not an imposter," she said aloud. "But I did change overnight. I can't really tell you about it right now. I… have to talk with other people first. I'll see what they decide. I promise."

"That's not really an answer, but pressing a woman to talk to you when she doesn't want to is so troublesome." Shikamaru shrugged. "I guess we'll have to wait."

Ino nodded, then walked down to Hinata and Naruto. "Hey, guys. Hinata, you Sakura, and I should hang out later," she said, hoping the implied message would be noted.

"Yes, we should do that, Ino-chan. Would you like a brownie?" she offered, something like amusement twinkling in her eye.

Ino paled into a neat shade of green. "No! No, thank you!"

Hinata smiled. "These one's are pure brownie."

"Really?" Ino asked skeptically.

Hinata nodded.

Ino cautiously took a brownie and took a bite out of it. Her expression immediately turned to one of relief, and then delight, as she ate the brownie. "These are really good!"

"Thank you."

"Hey, why are you eating my brownies, Ino?" Naruto demanded.

"Okay, we're going to begin the practical skills test now. Mizuki-sensei and I will—Mizuki? Could you please stop chasing Shino with a chair?" Iruka asked of his assistant teacher.

Mizuki stopped trying to beat Shino with a chair, much to the academy student's relief, and came down to the front of the classroom. "Ahem. I'm ready. Sorry."

Iruka nodded, eyeing the man warily. "Right. We'll begin the test of your skills, going down in alphabetical order. Aburame Shino, come with us."

Shino paled slightly, though no one noticed it because he wore so much clothing that covered his skin. "Do I have to go first?" he asked, watching Mizuki-sensei's evil expression with extreme weariness. Shino's eyebrow twitched, though again, no one noticed it.

"Yes, you do," Iruka said firmly. "Now come on."

Mizuki laughed evilly as they led Shino next door.


	7. That's a Long Story

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

Warning: Alludes to bedroom activities. If you don't know what those are, um, why do you read my stories? Just kidding.

**That is a Long Story**

Shino stood before Mizuki-sensei and Iruka-sensei, nervous, but not wanting to show it. It is the pride of the Aburame clan that they all wear huge jackets and sunglasses so no one can tell what they are thinking. Not the same thing as being emotionless like the Hyuuga or Uchiha, but acceptable anyway. This way, the Aburame figured they would have a better chance of continuing their clan, since they didn't eliminate their emotions, they just covered them up with ugly clothing.

At least in the situations where it mattered, their emotions could be seen (because no woman would marry a man who kept his big jacket on in the bedroom).

Despite all this, Shino couldn't help but wish he was anywhere else at the moment. Sure, Iruka-sensei was a comforting presence, and a helpful barrier between Shino and the still-annoyed-at-having-his-book-taken-by-Kiba-who-had-done-it-to-get-away-from-Shino's-bugs Mizuki, but one person wasn't much to prevent danger.

"All right, Shino," Iruka said, interrupting Shino's very odd thoughts. "To pass this test, you must form three bunshin."

Shino relaxed. He could do this easily. His father had shown him ages ago how to make bug clones, and normal clones were something the academy taught them this year. Of course, he had done very well. He performed the technique, and waited for the verdict.

"Good. You pass this part of the exam. We will—"

"Wait," Mizuki interrupted. "That clone doesn't match," he said, mistakenly pointing at the real Shino.

"Mizuki-san," Iruka said. "That's Shino. Those three are his clones."

Mizuki had the decency to go slightly red, but recovered quickly, glaring at Shino. "Fine. He passes. But you better watch it on the next part, Shino. You'll have to hit the target perfectly with kunai and shuriken."

Shino stared at him.

"Shino is second only to Uchiha Sasuke and Yamanaka Ino at target practice, Mizuki," Iruka reminded him.

"I'm going to go get some coffee," Mizuki ground out, stomping from the room.

"That man gets weirder every day," Iruka mumbled under his breath, watching Mizuki with an expression Shino didn't fully understand.

For those who have been through this timeline already, they would realize that it was Iruka becoming suspicious. Shino, on the other hand, was beginning to wonder if Iruka and Mizuki were really _just_ friends.

"Shino, you can go back to the classroom now. Could you please send Akimichi Chouji in here?"

Shino nodded, then went back to the classroom. It was surprisingly quiet, even with two teachers gone. Ino, Hinata, and Naruto seemed very involved in a three-way rock-paper-scissors game, while Shikamaru appeared to be sleeping once more, with Chouji eating. Kiba was now harassing Sasuke. Shino sighed. _He just doesn't understand how much his ninken sucks_, he thought sadly. And rather randomly.

"Chouji, it's your turn," he said aloud.

Chouji looked down. "Was it hard?"

Shino shook his head. "No. I would say good luck, but you will not even need it."

Chouji blinked, trying to decipher if that was an insult or compliment. "Thanks," he said after a moment.

Shino nodded, then went over to Sasuke and Kiba. "Is he bugging you?" he asked.

"That was so not funny," Kiba said immediately.

Sasuke looked between them. "I never realized you two were friends. I thought Kiba skipped class with Naruto, Shikamaru and Chouji."

Kiba and Shino exchanged a look. "We aren't friends," they said at the same time.

"Why do you tease each other?"

"Because my bugs are better."

"Akamaru is better."

"Those aren't answers," Sasuke told them.

* * *

"I just happened to pass by the ROOT building when these two came out of it, and I realized something was wrong. But I have absolutely nothing to do with the deaths of the Councilors, oh no! I'm not even a _genin_ yet. I have an exam to take, speaking of which!" Sakura said in reply to the earlier question of the Hokage.

"That still does not tell me why you are here," Sarutobi said.

Sakura frowned. "I thought I should let you know you have lots of people wandering around the village who don't really understand… anything."

Sarutobi nodded. "Yes, and how did you know of ROOT and the council members' deaths?"

"Ah," Sakura said. _Crap, I didn't plan that far! Think, think, think!_ "Um, well…" she began, chuckling nervously.

Sarutobi narrowed his eyes. "Do I need to apprehend you?"

Sakura's eyes widened. "No, no!"

"Is that the girl I just asked to be put on my team?" Kakashi whispered to Anko.

Anko nodded. "Isn't she great?"

Kakashi said nothing.

"Hokage-sama," the older of the two boys with Sakura spoke, "if I may say something?"

"Of course. What is your name?" Sarutobi asked. He was grateful for the number of jounin in the room, in case anything went wrong, and now, more ANBU had showed up, too.

"Shin. I am a member—former member?—of ROOT, operated by Shimura Danzou. Sakura found us after we noticed our tattoos had disappeared, and said she met my brother, Sai, in a dream. Then she said we should come here to inform you. But I can assure you, she didn't kill the council members."

Sarutobi nodded, almost not noticing the boy Shin step on his brother's foot. _They truly must be ROOT if I can't notice an action such as that._ "Although, I never said that she did kill the councilors."

Shin shrugged. "But you were thinking it."

Sakura looked between the two, and was suddenly extremely grateful that Shin was smart, even if he had previously acted… not smart. _He caught on to the lie fast._ She looked at the other boy with her. _But I would have thought Sai would figure it out, too._ She considered this. _Never mind. Sai was never really good at picking up on the subtleties of humans and normal people…_

"Yes, I was," Sarutobi agreed. "And I will still need to question Haruno-san later. For now, however, I believe you have an academy exam to take?"

Sakura nodded. "Yes. I am so very late for that," she said, not caring how cheesy she sounded. _Acting is hard_, she thought. "Hi, Anko-san!" she waved.

"Hi, Sakura-chan!" Anko replied. She winked at the pink-haired girl. "I see you've found two young men, huh?"

"They're clones," Sakura said automatically, then frowned. _Huh?_

Anko smirked. "Sure, sure, whatever you say. Although that technically goes against what you told the Hokage."

Sakura stuck her tongue out.

Shin and Sai copied her, thinking they needed to show the lack of tattoos off.

Anko stared at them. "Um, yeah. I'll see you later at the dango stand," she said to Sakura.

"Okay, I'm leaving now," Sakura announced, not realizing that Sai and Shin were copying her. "Let's go!"

They left.

Kakashi experienced a great sinking feeling in his gut. "How… how do you know my student, Anko?" he asked without using any honorifics.

"That is a long story," Anko said.

"One you're not going to tell me, huh?" Kakashi finished, looking very sad.

Anko nodded and pinched his cheek again. "That's right, Kakashi-kun."

_If my student knows Anko… am I going to survive as her teacher?_ He allowed Anko to drag him to wherever she decided to go next, that one thought sounding through his head over and over again, until it became a mantra of: _I am so screwed_.

* * *

Tenten and Gai waited for Lee to come back. It was oddly quiet, as Gai digested the news Raidou and Genma had passed on and Tenten tried to think of what she was missing. She thought back over her day, from when she woke up to now, and couldn't find any discrepancies from yesterday. _What am I missing?_ she wondered. _Maybe I should think back farther_, she thought as Lee came charging back into the clearing.

Gai put on an exaggeratedly grave expression, which immediately caught Lee's attention.

Lee looked over at Tenten, then back at Gai. "What is wrong, Gai-sensei? Can Tenten not perform genjutsu?"

Gai waved a hand dramatically. "No, Lee," he said in a somber tone. "That is not the problem. In fact, Tenten excels at genjutsu. However," he said, holding his hand up to prevent Lee's cheering. "We have another problem. The council members are dead and the murderer may be targeting other areas. We must be cautious."

Lee looked surprised. "Why did they not kill the Hokage?"

Gai frowned. "I do not know… ANBU are looking into it. We should trust them. In the meantime, we are to watch out for any odd looking characters. We should probably take them into the Hokage's office if we find them."

Lee looked around, as if checking to make sure no 'odd looking characters' were around. Tenten decided not to tell him Gai-sensei had already done that.

A dark laugh filled the area. Not dark in the sense that it was menacing, but dark in the sense that it was a laugh belonging to someone with a deep voice. A man stepped out of the shadows, his long trench coat billowing slightly behind him as a puff of wind conveniently blew through the clearing. Something felt off about the entrance to Tenten, though, and it wasn't the fact that the man looked as if he had stepped out of _The Matrix_.

She looked around, and noticed someone in a tree holding the last handseal for a wind jutsu that could blow gentle or strong winds to confuse an opponent or put them off balance. _Or provide a dramatic entrance for someone who wants to look cool_, she thought, looking back at the man.

"Ibiki-san!" Gai said.

"Hello, Gai-san," Ibiki said, inclining his head slightly.

"What can I do for you?" Gai asked.

"I came to inform you of the murders, but it appears Raidou and Genma got here first. In that case, I want you to bring anyone you come across who is unfamiliar to the T&I department."

"T&I?" Lee repeated.

"Torture and Interrogation," Tenten told him.

Ibiki looked over at her. "Very good," he said approvingly. "How do you know of us?" he asked in a very different, and much scarier, voice.

"I live here. And I know Anko."

"Ah, that explains everything," Ibiki said.

Gai looked at Tenten. "You know Anko-san?" he asked, surprised.

Tenten nodded. "Yes… shouldn't I? She helped me sign my summoning contract, and she taught me the kunai trick."

"Anko taught you the summoning technique?" Gai said, his voice squeaking in surprise, and his eyes almost bulging out of his head.

"Um, yes… Don't you remember this, Gai-sensei?" she asked.

Gai shook his head. "Are you sure that this, perhaps, was just a youthful dream? Surely I can't be this unyouthful already?" he added as an afterthought.

Ibiki smirked. "Looks like you're going senile," he told Gai.

It was then that Tenten confirmed that something odd was going on, and she resolved to find Sakura, who would probably know what was going on and most likely caused it, as soon as possible. She would have to wait until Sakura's hospital shift was over, though.

* * *

"Hyuuga Hinata, you're next," the boy who had just taken his test said as he came back into the classroom.

"Good luck, Hinata!" Ino said.

"Good luck, Hinata-chan!" Naruto said, surprising the girl with a hug.

Ino giggled slightly. _Old Hinata would totally be out of it now_, she thought, then laughed as Hinata wobbled off next door. _Haha, she still is!_

Naruto turned back to Ino. "Hinata-chan is really nice."

Ino nodded. "She likes you."

"Huh?"

"She likes you. Like you like Sakura, I guess, and how I like Chouji."

"I thought you liked Sasuke," Naruto said. "Everybody likes Sasuke."

Ino nodded. "I did. But not anymore."

"Why?"

"Hmm… how can I explain this? I realized I wanted something more than good looks. I don't even know Sasuke."

"Do you know Chouji?" Naruto asked, eyes narrowed in a manner Ino didn't expect to see on young Naruto. It was perceptive and guarded, and Ino felt as if he was reading her.

"I know him much better than I know Sasuke, and I know enough to know that I want to know more," Ino said.

Naruto watched her for a few more seconds, then nodded. "Good. I don't want to see my friend hurt."

Ino was surprised, but then realized that this wasn't that unusual. "You have always been very caring for your friends," she mused, thinking of the future she knew.

Naruto looked thoughtful. "I hope so. I wanna be Hokage to protect everyone!"

"Not to get recognition?"

"Well… I want that, too, but on the other hand, I have friends, and for some reason, you and Hinata-chan are also being friendly. So maybe I don't need to be Hokage for that."

Ino smiled. "I think your new reason is perfect."

"Thank you," Naruto said, smiling wide. "Do you want help with Chouji?" he offered his new friend—two friends in one day, this was good going.

Ino smiled broadly too. "You'll help me? Yes!"

"Okay, first…"

* * *

Temari, Gaara, Baki, and Kankurou were once again running, though this time it was not inside the building, but rather away from it, towards Konoha.

After explaining once more, although in much less detail, if possible, about Naruto, Temari had gotten their father to agree to let Baki lead the Sand Siblings on a mission to Konoha to relay the news of Orochimaru and to pass on the treaty scroll.

He didn't quite fully understand why Naruto was so important, but the Fourth Kazekage was the Fourth Kazekage for a reason. And no, that reason would not be because the last Kazekage was the Third Kazekage.

It was because he was smart.

And being smart meant that he knew dealing with an irritated woman, whether she is fifteen or fifty, was never a good thing for a man to go through. So he had agreed before Temari could reach that stage, lest he find out how much like her mother she really was (by his estimation, Temari was worse. While Karura had protested and screamed at him for putting Shukaku into barely-even-five-minutes-old Gaara, Temari probably would have castrated the Fourth, found someone to heal him, castrated him again, murdered him, brought him back to life, repeat cycle, at least five times. Little did he know that Temari actually knew someone who would be able to help her with this.).

As they ran along, Temari discussed strategy with Baki, who seemed to think they needed a complex plan of some sort while Temari thought just walking in and handing over the scroll would be easiest.

"We have to go to the Hokage's office, but I don't think we need a complicated method to do this," Temari said.

Baki shook his head. "You also want to go for Gaara's sake. What if they find out about him and don't let us in the office?"

"They have their own jinchuuriki, don't forget. They'll know how to handle this. Besides, we need someone good with seals to look over Gaara's seal. We all know it's pretty bad, and Konoha has the resources to fix it."

"Exactly," Baki agreed. "So we should delay handing over the scroll until we are assured that Gaara will be looked after."

"Oh," Temari said. "Good idea."

A few trees behind them, Kankurou was trying to pretend Gaara was mot running next to him, and was thus repeating his mantra.

"Will you stop muttering that?" Gaara asked levelly.

"Huh?" Kankurou said, jumping at the sound of Gaara's voice, even if it wasn't crazy like usual.

"You are mumbling under your breath about 'puppets and face paint'. Would you please stop?"

_He just… said please_. "Sorry," Kankurou stuttered out. "I didn't realize I was saying it aloud."

Gaara nodded. "I suppose that would be like when I say 'Kill, kill, I want their blood.' I do not realize Kaacha—Shukaku is saying it aloud, but apparently, that is what occurs," Gaara said.

Kankurou looked (and was) ready to soil his trousers. "Don't compare me to you! I'm not going to kill anyone! Eep!" he shouted, realizing what he'd said. He looked at Gaara for a second, expecting a big sand claw to suddenly appear and squish him, then went quiet and tried to fold in on himself and become invisible.

Gaara watched all this silently with a sarcastic expression, involving raising the skin over his eyes. He sped up to run next to Temari and Baki, and decided to leave Kankurou and his numerous issues alone. Perhaps he would try to understand them at a later point, but for now, Gaara was more curious about Konoha and this Naruto person, and he wanted to talk to Temari.

* * *

Hinata reentered the classroom and walked over to her shared desk with Naruto. "What are you doing?" she asked him and Ino.

"Making plans to help Ino bag Chouji," Naruto replied, not looking up from where he was writing something down.

"Oh."

"How was the test?" Ino asked, glancing up for a second.

Hinata paused. Should she say easy, and then risk Naruto being very disappointed later when he failed? Or should she say hard? Or… "I would rather not say."

Naruto looked up this time. "Why not?" he asked, rubbing his forehead absentmindedly. He left a trail of pencil smudge, but Hinata said nothing. It made him look cute. She giggled slightly. "What?" he asked.

"Nothing. I just don't want to say about the test because I don't like discussing my grades."

"Oh. Okay," he said, shrugging. He looked back down at the paper, but didn't write anything. Ino nudged him and Hinata wondered what was going on. "Do you like me, Hinata-chan?" Naruto asked suddenly, looking back up at her, his eyes blazing red.

Hinata's breath caught in her throat. _Should I warn him not to release the Kyuubi's chakra too much?_ she wondered. She decided to ignore it, and hoped Ino would do the same. "Yes, I do like you."

Naruto smiled. "Really? I suppose it is obvious, seeing as you made me brownies and all… except I still had to have Ino point it out. Sorry."

Hinata shook her head. "It's okay." _This time, it took waaay less time, and I didn't even have to die! Or almost die._ She shot Ino a grateful smile.

"Well," Naruto started, drawing the word out long. "Since we both like each other… do you wanna go out to eat?"

Hinata beamed. "I would love that!"

Naruto grinned. "Do you like ramen?" he asked hopefully.

Hinata nodded.

"Ichiraku's?"

Hinata nodded again.

"Tonight?"

Here, Hinata paused. Originally, Iruka had taken Naruto out for ramen after they fought Mizuki. She didn't want to interfere with their special bonding time; she knew Iruka was important to Naruto. "How about tomorrow, after we spend time with our teams? My father will probably have something planned for this evening," she lied.

"Okay," Naruto agreed, still smiling broadly.

Iruka came into the room, looking around. "Is Sakura still not here? And has anyone seen Mizuki-sensei?"

The class shook their heads.

"Sakura should have already taken the test," Ino pointed out.

Iruka nodded. "Yes, but for some reason, she's playing hooky today."

"I'm sure she'll be here soon," Hinata said.

"I hope so," Iruka agreed. "It would be a shame to hold her back over something like this."

The classroom door opened yet again, and a figure walked in followed by two other people.


	8. The Big Sneeze

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

Even though I'm sure other authors use this, credit goes to **Death's Spear** for the Shinobi-O's, little cereal with kunai and shuriken marshmallows.

The title is a reference to Douglas Adams' series, _The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy_, in which he discusses the race of aliens who fear the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief. I recommend reading it.

Slight adult stuff in this chapter (Anko doesn't wear much, and Kakashi's a guy).

**The Big Sneeze**

The figure stepped further into the room, causing all heads to turn in that direction. A few of the students openly gaped, and Iruka felt himself frowning.

A wind blew through the classroom, causing some of the students to shiver.

Ibiki smirked, loving the reaction his Dramatic Ninja Entrances always got. Much better than Maito Gai's "Dynamic Entry", although it did tend to tire his minions out, especially if they went to a lot of different places in one day where Ibiki had to dramatically enter the building.

He looked back at his minions, and the one performing the wind technique gratefully ended it. Ibiki turned back to the room, and let his eyes roam over the students, making sure to stand tall and straight, looking menacing, a glare in his eyes.

The students cowered against their desks. Ibiki smirked. Too easy.

"Ibiki-san," Iruka said. "What are you doing here?"

"Just coming to see how your test is going," Ibiki remarked. Though he loved frightening small children and puppies, it wouldn't do to let them know there was an old people murderer in the village, lest they all start screaming for their grandparents.

"It's going well," Iruka responded slowly. "I'm missing one of my students, and my assistant teacher is currently in the teacher's lounge, finishing all the coffee—six brand new crates from Starbucks, I might add—but other than that, wonderful. You?"

"Your student is missing?" Ibiki said, seemingly ignoring the rest of that rant, but, in reality, mentally cataloguing it and storing it for further review later.

Iruka nodded. "Haruno Sakura. She's got pink hair. Can't miss her. Have you seen her?"

"Nope," Ibiki responded. "Anyway, my minions and I would like a word for a second," Ibiki said, ignoring the shifting air behind him that indicated his "minions" were contemplating using a stronger wind jutsu this time. He made a mental note to find a synonym for "minions"; he was beginning to overuse it.

"Um… okay," Iruka said hesitantly. He turned to two girls at the front of the class, ones who hadn't shivered in the wind, or looked surprised at the sight of Ibiki—which was odd, because the blonde kid sitting next to them had really wide eyes and looked as if he would begin screaming about something in 0.32 seconds. "Hinata, Ino, can you watch the class please?"

The girls nodded as the blonde, as predicted by Ibiki, suddenly began shouting about how "That wind jutsu thingy he used for his Dramatic Ninja Entrance was soooo cool!"

Ibiki was a little put-off by the fact that the kid recognized what he was doing so easily, but he ignored it and followed Iruka to the classroom next door, the two masked ANBU people in tow (_Yes, I definitely need some synonyms_).

"So, what do you want, Ibiki-san?" Iruka asked, eyeing the three men warily. He wasn't having a good day. His prized student, intelligence-wise—Naruto had first place for generally being…Naruto—hadn't shown up at all and it didn't look as if the pink-haired girl would be here any time soon, Mizuki was drinking all the coffee, which meant there would be none left for Iruka later (although he was now beginning to suspect that that was all right, as it gave him an excuse to drink sake instead), he was pretty sure Naruto wasn't going to pass, again, as the bunshin were still giving him trouble, and there were quite a few ominous clues pointing to something… ominous occurring. Iruka sighed and rubbed his head. His thoughts were so jumbled, he couldn't think straight. He realized those meant the same thing, and sighed again. _I need coffee_. Oh, and the last bad thing: Morino Ibiki had come to the school.

Ibiki watched with great amusement, although only a tiny fraction of it could be seen because he had a hardcore reputation to uphold, as the academy teacher sighed at least thirty-seven times consecutively. "You sound like you're having a bad day," he said obviously.

Iruka looked at him. The room went silent, and it almost felt as though the temperature dropped. Ibiki mused that Iruka would actually be a great interrogator if he was a jounin; the man was currently making the T&I specialist think of his mother. _Such a loss for our department_, he internally bemoaned. "Anyway," he said aloud. "Someone has killed the councilors. Be on your guard."

Iruka blinked. "What?"

"Someone broke into the councilors homes and murdered them. Well, that's only partially true. Danzou-sama died of asphyxiation, after choking on his Rice Crispies." Ibiki sniffed. "Serves him right, too. Real ninja eat Shinobi-O's."

Iruka blinked again. _Ibiki-san eats Shinobi-O's?_ "Um, right. Are the students in danger? Their exam is almost done, and they are going to be sent home at the end…" he trailed off, waiting for an answer.

"They shouldn't be, as the person has only targeted the old people in charge of the village—though not Sandaime-sama, so I assume they have some discretion and only kill the old people who have destroyed the village—but just in case there is a threat to them or their families, keep your students here as long as possible. The Old-People Murderer of Konoha may strike again," Ibiki said.

Iruka blinked for a third time, and Ibiki's minions groaned.

"What?" Ibiki demanded, turning around slightly. "I thought it was cool!"

"You would," Minion One muttered.

Ibiki decided to ignore him. "Anyway, we'll see you later. Good luck with your test."

He turned and left, a gust of wind from Minion Two's jutsu blowing behind him and causing his trench coat to flap up around his head.

"Hey! I said only do that when I _enter_ a place, not leave it!" Ibiki shouted at him.

Minion Two merely shrugged, and covertly high-fived Minion One as they left.

Iruka blinked again and then went back to the classroom. "Um, Inuzuka Kiba, you're next," he said, slightly dazed at the oddness of the T&I head. _Although_, he mused, _it would be rather difficult to not have some character quirks while working in that position_…

Kiba stopped chatting to Sasuke and Shino, and started down the steps. "I will say good luck to you because I think you'll need it," Shino said.

Kiba turned towards him. "You said to Chouji it was easy!"

Shino shrugged eloquently. "Chouji's smarter than you."

"Hey!"

"Kiba!" Iruka called. "Now."

Kiba stuck his tongue out at Shino, waved slightly at Sasuke, who dazedly waved back, having still not had his answer to Shino and Kiba's friendship, and then came down the steps.

He and Iruka left the room, and Shino turned to Sasuke. "You see, I could never be friends with him."

Sasuke groaned and decided to bang his head on the desk.

"Why are you doing that?" Shino asked curiously.

"Be—bang—cause—bang—you—bang—guys—are so—bang bang—FRUSTRATING!"

"I see. So this is why you're a loaner," Shino said.

Sasuke continued to slam his head onto the wood surface.

* * *

"Why is Sasuke trying to whack his brains out on the desk?" Naruto asked Hinata.

"I have no clue."

"You know, if I still liked him, I'd be really worried," Ino remarked. "But now, I just find it hysterical."

Naruto stared at her. "You're kinda evil, you know that?"

"Wait 'til you meet Anko," she told him.

"Huh?"

* * *

Anko suddenly sneezed, causing her hold on Kakashi's collar to break. He gratefully righted his footing and straightened out his jounin vest, walking around on his own. It felt weird; his feet weren't used to it after the crazy drag-running she had put him through so far today.

"Hmm, someone must be talking about me," she said in a way that made Kakashi feel extremely sorry for the person who mentioned her name. The look in her eyes said in no uncertain terms that she planned to hunt the person down and maim them slowly.

They arrived at the red bridge Minato-sensei always used to ask his team to meet him at, and Kakashi, after a moment of making sure Anko wouldn't cause him any bodily harm if he did so, planted himself on the railing, leaning against one of the poles.

"It's nice here," Anko commented, looking around.

He looked at her. "Haven't you been here before?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Not really. It's close to the Memorial Stone, huh?"

Kakashi nodded. "Yes, the stone's that way," he said, pointing in the direction of the kunai-shaped rock. "I was thinking of training my team here."

"Training Ground Three," she said, not in an "I'm confirming the number" way but in a very melancholy, "lot's of bad stuff will happen here" way.

He nodded slightly.

She turned around and leant on the railing next to him. She frowned slightly then smirked.

_Uh-oh_.

"If it's so close to the Memorial Stone, why in Fire Country are you always so late?" she asked.

"Good question…" he mumbled.

"Okay, this is getting too depressing," she said, suddenly straightening up and pushing him off the bridge.

Despite his ninja skills, he was caught off guard with surprise and crashed into the water, spraying it everywhere.

Emerging a few seconds later, totally wet, Kakashi spluttered out, "What the heck was that for?"

"Fun," she shrugged.

He suddenly had a traumatizing thought. "Don't tell me you're coming in here!" he said, sounding far more frightened than he meant to. _She doesn't wear anything under that mesh! This will be awful! She'll kill me even if my eyes stray on their own!_

Anko laughed at him and jumped in anyway, fully clothed. He sighed in relief, but quickly regretted it when she pulled him under. _Crap, no air! No air!_

He popped his head above water, and looked around, seeing no Anko in sight. Rather than making him relieved, however, Kakashi became worried, and wondered what she was planning. Or if the murderer got to her.

He jumped out of the water, and moved his forehead protector up. "Anko?" he quietly called.

She didn't answer.

"Anko?" he said a little louder, trying to feel for her chakra.

A bush shifted behind him, and he flung a kunai at it.

"Ow, man, that really hurt," a voice that sounded like one of the academy instructor's said.

"Mizuna?" Kakashi said.

"Mizuki," the man slurred back.

"Kakashi," Kakashi corrected.

The man shook his head. "Mizuki."

"No, I'm Kakashi."

"Yeah, and I'm Mizuna. Mizuki. Dagnammit, you messed me. Up. Hey, ya wan' some coffee? It tas'es reaaal good with lotsa sugar. 'Nd I snuck some sake in mine," he giggled.

"No thanks," Kakashi said hesitantly. "Shouldn't you be at the academy, helping with the testing?"

"Naaaah, Iruka's got it. I jus' need him to fail that kid, and I'm good," Mizuki answered.

Kakashi stared at him, and was just about to ask what the heck he was talking about when someone tackled him from behind.

"Come on, Kakashi-kun!" Anko's voice sang out. "I'm hungry!" She stood up, dragging him with her, and then shunshined to the dango stand.

"Wait, Mizuki back there—"

"HEY! TWO PLATES OF DANGO, PLEASE!" she shouted above him. She turned and gave him a winning smile that might have been attractive on any other female. Right now, she was just scaring the heebie-jeebies out of him because it was so unlike her to smile prettily in place of the manic grin she usually wore.

He decided that Mizuki's statement was important however, and tried again. "That teacher, Mizuki, what do you know about—" He cut himself off.

Anko was still smiling (_She does have a nice smile_, he found a small, tiny, really insignificant portion of himself thinking), but her gaze had hardened and her teeth were clenched.

"Can I have a glass of water?" he asked the waiter weakly.

"Certainly," the man replied, looking between the two.

Anko stopped smiling (it must have been quite painful, after all), and began to eat her dango.

_I feel like I'm missing out on something, and it's connected to Haruno Sakura_, Kakashi thought. _But just what is it?_

* * *

Sakura sneezed violently. "Ow, that hurt," she said.

Shin and Sai stared at her.

"Sorry, let's keep going," she said, rubbing her nose.

They kept staring, but followed her anyway. The academy came into sight, and Sakura quickened her pace. "I just have to do a quick exam, it will take about twenty minutes," she told them as they walked down the hall.

"Okay," Shin agreed.

Sai looked around curiously. "This is your school, Sakura-san?"

_It's nice to not have him calling me "Ugly". I wonder how long that will last_, she thought. "Yes. Today's the graduation day."

"Oh. That explains your lack of a hitai-ate, then," Shin said.

She nodded. "Yep. I'll get it today!"

"If you pass," Shin said.

She turned to give him a scathing look. "Would I really not pass?"

He thought this over for a second. "True. You did break—"

"Shh!" she said quickly. "No one must know!"

They stared at her as if she was insane, which, Sakura mused, was probably not far from the truth. She could already see everyone blaming her for this anyway.

Shrugging, she walked on to the classroom she had seen about a week ago, in the real time/future, when she was teaching a first aid class, and opened the door.

"Sakura!" many people exclaimed upon seeing her.

She waved at them all, then, spotting Ino, Hinata, and Naruto at the front of the class, walked forward to ask them where Iruka-sensei was.

"Sakura-chan, where've you been?" Naruto asked, not noticing the two boys who followed her in.

"Oh, doing this and that," she answered vaguely.

"Doing, or just finding?" Ino said.

Sakura smacked her. "Pervert!" she shouted.

Hinata smiled. "Seriously, though, what took so long? You were supposed to take your test ages ago and Iruka-sensei is really worried."

"Yeah, I got lost…"

"Oh," Hinata and Ino said.

Naruto frowned. "How could you get lost? You've lived here for twelve years."

"Our rescuer has lived in the academy for twelve years?" Sai asked Shin, who sighed.

"That is not what he meant," Shin said.

"Hey, who are they?" Naruto asked as the door opened and Kiba and Iruka walked back in. he was, of course, talking about the two boys with Sakura, not Kiba and Iruka.

"Sakura!" Iruka shouted, sounding irritated, tired, relieved, and as if he wanted to strangle something all at once.

"Hi, Sensei, sorry I'm late. I got lost… on the road to life," Sakura said.

Iruka had a distinct feeling he'd heard that lame excuse before, but he ignored it. "Sakura, where have you been?" Iruka demanded of his pink-haired student. "You were supposed to take the test ages ago!"

"Oh, um, sorry," Sakura started. "I was busy…um…" _Crap, need a good excuse!_

"Who are they?" Iruka asked, noticing the two boys behind Sakura in about the same amount of time it took Naruto.

"They're—they're shadow clones! Yeah!" she yelled, grasping onto the idea, and hoping she was acting convincingly.

Hinata and Ino stared at her. "Wow," Ino muttered.

Naruto, Shin, and Sai just looked confused.

Iruka blinked. _This day just keeps getting weirder._ "Why don't they look like you?" he asked.

Sakura gulped. "Uh, I transformed them?" she offered.

"Oh. Good. Then I guess you don't need to take the test, since you are already demonstrating the ability to make shadow clones use the henge," he said.

"I don't have to take the test? All right!" she yelled.

"Oi, stop shouting! You're hurting my sensitive Inuzuka ears!" Kiba protested.

"Shut up, dog-boy," Naruto said.

"Hey!" Kiba yelped. "Why is everyone ganging up on me today?"

"At least you didn't have Mizuki-sensei chase you around the room with a chair," Shino comforted, suddenly standing next him, even though he had previously been seated next to Sasuke.

"Good point," Kiba agreed after a moment.

"Hey, Kiba, tell me about the test! Hinata-chan doesn't like talking about her grades," Naruto said.

"Yeah," Shikamaru agreed. "You and Chouji, and Shino, I guess, need to tell me: was it as troublesome as I expected?"

The boys went off to talk about the test, although Sasuke was still banging his head on his desk, and the other boys who didn't pass and thus aren't important were doing their own things. And Shin and Sai obviously stuck with Sakura.

"Let's get out of here," she told them.

"Um, Sakura, you and your… clones will have to stay here until the exam is officially over," Iruka said.

"Oh. Okay." Sakura sat down next to Ino, who was next to Hinata, and scooted them over, pulling Sai next to her. Shin sat down at the table below.

There was an awkward moment of silence, before Iruka called the next student, then went next door.

"So, clones of Sakura," Ino began with a smirk. "Do you have names?"

Sai looked hesitantly at Shin, who looked at Sakura. She shrugged, and then he looked back at Sai and nodded. _We're communicating so well!_ Sakura thought happily.

"I am Sai," Sai said. "At least, that's what Sakura-san calls me."

Ino and Hinata raised their eyebrows at the use of Sakura's full name. "Nice to meet you," Hinata said.

"You as well," Sai said.

"I'm Hinata and this is Ino," Hinata informed him.

"Are you friends of Sakura-san's?" the older boy asked.

They nodded.

"I see. I am Shin."

"You're a very cautious person, aren't you?" Ino said.

"I may be. My upbringing—"

"You're a clone; you've had no upbringing," Hinata reminded him.

"Oh. Right. In that case, I am a reflection of Sakura-san's personality."

They stared at him, and then burst out laughing. "It's okay," Ino said between giggles. "We know you're not clones."

Shin and Sai looked confused, and turned to Sakura at the same time. She scratched her head nervously. "I really wish we could go home. I need to sort some stuff out… speaking of which, Ino, Hinata, we need to talk tonight."

They nodded.

"I hope Sarutobi-sama takes my advice and calls the Sannin home," she said.

* * *

As many other people have been doing today, Hiruzen Sarutobi, Sandaime Hokage of Konoha for the second time, sneezed. "Excuse me," he said to the ANBU in the room. "Please go collect Tsunade and Jiraiya, and tell them the village needs them desperately. Inform them only if they refuse that Danzou is dead. They'll most likely assume I want them to become Hokage, so try to dissuade them of that."

The ANBU nodded. "Oh, and Tenzou?" Sarutobi said. "Take Mitarashi Anko with you. I think she may be a great help for both of my students, and she seems to know more than she's letting on."

Tenzou nodded, ignoring the other ANBU's snickering at the thought of Anko "helping" convince Jiraiya. "Hai, Hokage-sama," Tenzou said.

"Your codename for this mission will be Yamato," the Third told Tenzou.

"…Why?"

Sarutobi shrugged. "I just felt like giving you a codename. Be on your way now," he said, making shooing motions with his hand.

Tenz—Yamato blinked. _He's definitely senile_, he thought.

* * *

"Ew, there's snot all over my food!" Anko shouted after having sneezed.

Kakashi sympathetically handed her a napkin. Wait—sympathetically? It was only because she sneezed, that's all. He'd sneezed into his mask plenty of times, and knew it was disgusting, so he pitied anyone who sneezed in general. Yes, that's right.

"Thanks," she said, wiping her mouth.

"You must have allergies," the waiter remarked.

"You have sneezed twice so far," Kakashi agreed.

"Oh, two times. Big deal," she scoffed.

Three ANBU members suddenly appeared behind her and one tapped her shoulder. "Mitarashi Anko, the Hokage has requested that you accompany us on a retrieval mission."

"We're getting the Sannin," she said, not making it a question.

Two of the ANBU blinked in surprise, but the other nodded. "Yes, we are," he said.

"Hi, Tenzou!" Kakashi said, thanking Kami for this interruption of his and Anko's Big "Date".

"Call me Yamato," Tenzou said.

"Any particular reason why?" Kakashi asked, suddenly very happy.

Tenzou gave him a blank stare that Kakashi could feel even through the ANBU mask. "Codename for the mission."

"What's my codename?" Anko asked, smirking as if she already knew the answer.

"You don't have one. Only I do."

"What's…up with that?" Kakashi asked.

Ten—Yamato shrugged. "Sarutobi-sama said. I think he's senile."

"Either that or he just likes messing with ya," Anko replied, stealing Kakashi's dango before skipping off—literally.

He didn't care. He was just relieved she was going. She was getting under his skin, although not literally. She may be insane but she didn't seem like the type to peel people's skin off them.

She turned around, and jogged back. "I didn't get a goodbye kiss," she said, mock-pouting.

"Um…"

She pecked his cheek, and then smirked at the limited bit of his expression she could see. "We can't go mouth-to-mouth yet! This is a first date, and I'm not easy."

"I can tell," he muttered after she and the two ANBU and Yamato had shunshined away.

* * *

"Well, he's blonde, he's got blue eyes, whisker marks on both sides of his face, a really big, friendly smile, he's kinda short, about your height, but he'll get taller soon," Temari said to Gaara, describing Naruto to him.

Gaara nodded. "If he's a jinchuuriki, why is he… friendly?" he asked, remembering his own pathetic attempts at trying to play with people before he gave up after his Uncle's death.

Temari stared straight ahead and tried to find a good way to explain it. "I think it would be better if you asked him that, because I could probably never explain it as well as him, having never experienced it personally, but basically… I think he's friendly because he has hope that one day, people will see him for who he really is. He doesn't even know about the demon yet, but he knows people hate him, and he wants to fix that. So every day he smiles, and he hopes that one day, it will work."

Gaara thought about this. "I want to say that that seems stupid; how could you keep blindly smiling when you know people hate you, and you know that they don't want anything to do with you, but part of me admires this Naruto. I have given up already, but he hasn't."

Temari said nothing, still gazing ahead and thinking to herself.

"Has he… has he done what I do?" Gaara asked hesitantly.

She turned towards him. "What do you—oh. No. He hasn't done that. But you have to understand that your biju and your seals are very different. His seal is a lot stronger and even separates the Kyuubi's power to protect him, whereas your seal was made so that you could be a weapon and access the power instantaneously."

"but that failed," Gaara said slightly bitterly.

"Luckily, yes," Temari agreed.

"Luckily?" he asked, surprised.

"Yeah. If it had worked, you probably would have died in battle, and never got a second chance to live right."

Gaara mused this over in silence for the next couple of miles.

Baki and Kankurou, who were now running next to each other, and silently staring at the youngest and oldest of the Suna siblings, felt more shocked than they had in years.

"It… it sounds like he's changing his mind," Kankurou said incredulously.

Baki nodded. "I've never heard of a Therapy Technique like this."

"It's patented by Naruto," Temari told them. "Well, not actually, but it could be."

"Okay," Baki said.

* * *

"Okay, there is _definitely _something going around, because everyone keeps sneezing!" Naruto shouted in frustration.

Hinata giggled.

"That boy seems very stupid," Sai said.

Shin smacked him. "Don't say that, it's rude."

"Sorry, Aniki."

"Aaaaaaaw," the three girls cooed at once.

* * *

Training with Lee and Gai-sensei didn't really change much after Ibiki's announcement, and Tenten had quite a bit of fun applying genjutsu to Lee because he always had a great response to them. "Aw, look, fishies!" was one, "Leprechauns _do_ exist!" was another.

Tenten dispelled the last illusion, and Lee and Gai-sensei beamed at her. "You're so youthful today, Tenten!" Gai gushed.

"Yes, Tenten-san! You hit me each and every time with the illusions! They must work differently than kunai," he said thoughtfully.

Tenten nodded. "They spread over an area, rather than aiming at one target. You don't have to be as specific as you do with kunai and shuriken."

"Hmm… then is shall calculate the area of your genjutsu and learn to avoid that!" Lee said.

"Good idea. Shall we take a lunch break, and then work on that?" Tenten asked.

"Of course!" Lee answered.

"Youthful students," Gai-sensei began. "I am going to have to request that you train youthfully by yourselves, as I want to go check on the Hokage and our teammate Neji."

"Okay," Tenten and Lee agreed together.

Gai beamed at them, then ran toward the Hokage Tower.

"So…" Tenten said, going to the stump she placed her bento on. "Why do you think Neji's acting so weird?"

Lee gave her a funny glance as he picked up his own bento and sat next to her. "I have not noticed anything unusual about Neji's behavior."

"Oh." Tenten thought for a moment. _How can I ask this without possibly making him suspicious if what I think has happened has actually happened?_ "Lee, have you seen Sasuke recently?" she decided to ask.

Lee stared at her. "Do you mean the Last Uchiha? No," he replied, shaking his head and making his hair flop around. "Should I have?"

_Damn, that didn't work. If we're in the future, it would be odd if he had seen Sasuke; if we're in the past, before the Chuunin Exams, he only knows Sasuke by name_. She tried again. "Hmm, I wonder how the Hokage is doing."

"Yes, I hope he's okay," Lee answered.

_Hah!_ she mentally cheered. _I got it! I **am **back in time!_ she realized finally. She smiled to herself, thinking how good it was that she was so observant. _My earlier assumption that something was different was right, then. I need to find the other's soon, though. Things are already different than they were before!_


	9. Sleep

The following story is brought to you by Jill's strange and slightly demented mind. The ideas within are all her own, though the characters are owned by Kishimoto Masashi.

I am so, so sorry this took so long (almost a month!). I actually swore to myself when I started writing fanfics that I would never let an update take this long, but I think this is the second time I've broken that vow (the other time with _Lee's Huglist_), so feel free to e-slap me.

The reason this took so long… ugh, there are many. I put a note on my profile page, but who visits that anyway? Basically, even though it's summer, and I'm supposed to have more time, I actually have less, so expect my updates to be sporadic at best. Also, I just couldn't be fiddled to write. I know that's a really bad thing to say and probably does not instill much courage into my loyal readers, but I had a lot of stuff going on that made me feel emo, and an Emo Jill is just not natural. I had to get that out of my system before I could even begin to write this.

That said, I'm probably not going to be able to update for another long while (again). I will try to anyway, but don't count on it. That goes for _Lee's Huglist_ and _ObiTobi_, as well. Sorry!

By the way, _Toy Story 3_ is amazing. =)

And now on to the story, which I know you've all been waiting a ridiculously long time for!

Warning: Could might possibly be offensive to Catholics—I think it's innocent, but we'll see.

**Sleep**

Kakashi walked through Konoha, enjoying his newfound freedom as he marveled at the sensation of once again being able to use his legs without outside interference.

He had left the dango stand after Anko had gone with the two ANBU and Tenzou—Yamato—ah, whatever. Kakashi didn't really care what the old man had decided to call his friend. It would go away after this mission.

He ambled along the street, contemplating taking his book from his jounin vest's pocket and reading it or going back to the Memorial Stone. He wasn't sure if he could brood anymore today. He'd kind of said everything to Obito, Minato-sensei, and Rin earlier, and if he went back and started over, he might just cross the line between 'brooding and feeling sorrowful' into 'emoness'.

And that was a dangerous line to mess with.

Kakashi sighed, then made his decision. Reaching his hand up to his pocket wouldn't take that much energy after all.

Except his book wasn't there.

His beloved _Icha Icha_… _It wasn't __**there!**_

Feeling suddenly panicked, Kakashi tore his jounin vest off and frantically searched through all the pockets, including the ones inside the jacket that he didn't normally use. He searched his weapons pouch on his hip—it wasn't there—and he searched the little kunai holster strapped to his leg—not there either.

No.

No.

NO!

This could not be happening.

He had a _whole morning_ to read _Icha Icha Paradise_, and the darn thing was missing!

_What if Anko took it?_ he thought suddenly. "No!" he shouted, anguished.

Passerby's stared at the jounin as if he was insane—which, he figured, might not be too far from the truth since his beloved, precious, one-and-only (ignoring the bookstore across the street) _Icha Icha Paradise_ was missing!

Putting his jounin vest and weapons pouch back on, Kakashi charged towards the dango stand to see if he hadn't accidentally left it there.

He fell over three times, due to the whole haven't-actually-walked-alone thing, but he ignored that and strode onwards in his noble mission.

* * *

Anko, meanwhile, was heading out of the city with her team, consisting of Tenzou/Yamato, and two other random ANBU whose names she did not know, nor did she feel like getting. "Let's go, boys!" she cheered, waving at Izumo and Kotetsu as they opened the gate.

"Yeah," Yamato agreed.

The two other ANBU (Nameless Ninja One, and Nameless Ninja Two, as Anko had decided to dub them) nodded, and the group began running through the trees.

"Hey, wait," Anko said, suddenly stopping. "Did anyone check the bathhouse for Jiraiya before we left?"

The others looked at each other. "No," they said in unison.

Anko sighed. "Nameless Ninja One," she commanded, "go back and check. We'll meet you at the onsen in the next town over."

Nameless Ninja One looked slightly startled at the name, but complied nonetheless.

"Hmm," Anko said thoughtfully. "He must work with Ibiki, since he was used to that name."

"Actually," Nameless Ninja Two spoke up. "Your naming system is much cleverer than Ibiki-san's."

Anko smirked. "I know that's right," she said.

Yamato rolled his almond-shaped eyes.

* * *

The students in the academy were chatting, playing rock-paper-scissors, helping each other cheat, and doing other stuff kids do when left alone in a classroom before their final exam which they are all pretty nervous about.

Many students had taken the exam after Kiba, and the class was now on the letter 'N'.

"Nara Shikamaru," the last student who had finished his exam said. "Your turn."

"Okay," Shikamaru said, slowly getting up.

"Good luck!" Naruto and Kiba said.

"He will not need it," Shino said, sending Kiba a pointed glance. Akamaru jumped out of Kiba's coat and bit Shino.

"Troublesome," Shikamaru said, leaving the classroom at a pace a snail could probably outdo.

"That boy should not be a ninja. He is exceptionally slow," Sai remarked.

Ino scowled. "He _is_ slow, but he's a great ninja. He'll be one of Konoha's best within three years."

Sai looked thoughtful as he contemplated this. "I suppose he could be smarter than he looks."

Shin kicked his 'brother'. "Stop being rude, Otouto."

"Sorry, Shin-nii."

"Humph," said Shin.

Sakura, Ino, and Hinata giggled. "We're going to need to get together with Tenten and Anko-san, too," Sakura whispered to the other two.

They nodded. "And Temari, when she gets here," Ino said.

"What makes you think she'll be here?" Hinata asked.

Sakura and Ino both gave her an 'are-kidding-look'. "She's gotta save Gaara. Of course she'll be here," Sakura pointed out.

"True," Hinata agreed. "I wonder when they'll get here."

"It takes about three days to run to here from Suna. Although, we were all stronger and faster when you guys went to rescue Gaara-san," Ino said.

"Hmm… so that would be the Tora mission," Sakura mused.

"Um, no, it would be the day before genin exam," Hinata corrected. At the confused glances of her two female friends, she explained. "We take the exam today, then tomorrow we for some reason didn't do anything—but we did hand in our ninja registration forms because Naruto's was really funny and Sarutobi-sama yelled at him."

"How do you know this?" Sakura asked warily.

Hinata had the decency to blush slightly, but still answered nonetheless. "I followed him, of course."

"Yeah… and Sasuke used to think _we_ were bad stalkers," Ino commented.

"Hush," Hinata said regally, as she poked Ino's arm.

"Anyway," Sakura decided to continue. "That means they'll be here soon. We meet our sensei's the day Temari and them will get here, right?"

Hinata nodded. Ino finished healing her arm from where Hinata had jyuukened it.

"What are you discussing with your odd and rather noisy friends?" Sai asked.

"Better than ugly," Ino whispered to Sakura.

"Shut it," Sakura whispered back, smacking her friend. "We were just talking about some other friends of ours."

"Are they noisy too?"

"Sai," Shin began. "You're being rude."

"I'm sorry," Sai apologized again.

And of course, the girls squealed like morons.

* * *

"Seriously, why do they keep cooing over Sakura-chan's clones?" Naruto asked with a frown.

"I believe the more pressing question should be why does Sakura know Kage Bunshin," Shino stated.

Sasuke looked up from his desk, where he had been banging his head onto it since Kiba's test… which, when you think about the fact that they're now testing Shikamaru, was quite a while ago. "Why did she transform her clones, too?" he asked.

"No one was talking to you, teme," Naruto said. "Although it is odd that she made them guys."

The boys exchanged glances. "Maybe it would be best not to think about this right now," Shino suggested.

"Yeah, we should at least wait until Shikamaru gets back," Kiba agreed.

Chouji nodded. "Sakura must have lots of chakra to do that. I heard most jounin can only make five clones at a time."

The boys were suitably impressed, each looking at Sakura in a new light, except Sasuke, who didn't want to give her any encouragement in case she suddenly lapsed back into fangirlism.

* * *

Gai arrived at the Hyuuga Complex, and he rushed youthfully inside (after saying "hello" to the guards). Walking to the door he knew to be the home of Neji—one of the branch houses, although it was closer to the head family's home, presumably because Neji was the nephew of Hyuuga Hiashi—Gai decided he would just quickly check on the boy then rush back off to Tenten and Lee, so he could bask in the joy of their youth.

Shaking his head, Gai decided he'd spent a bit too much time around Kakashi-san, as that statement sounded a bit like something out of _Icha Icha_.

"Neji-kun!" he called youthfully to his student. He wasn't expecting an answer, and, when there was none, he opened the door and walked in. The Hyuuga's didn't have locks on their doors as their youthful Byakugan made intruding and surprise attacking/robbing/sneaking up on any member of their family very difficult. Gai mused that it was a useful (and youthful) trait of the Byakugan that clan members had it from birth and thus did not have to activate it like the Uchiha's did their Sharingan.

Pushing those musings aside, Gai walked through Neji's surprisingly clean home—surprising because even though Neji was a genius, prodigy, and mature beyond his age shinobi, he was still a young teenager living alone—and made his way to the boy's living room. There, as he suspected, Gai found his student lying on the cough, youthfully tucked up under a blanket as Gai had made sure his team knew how to do.

He wiped away a youthful tear at the sight. _Lee! You remembered the lesson! The American Army would be so proud!_

"Neji?" Gai said quietly.

The boy didn't move.

Gai crept quietly forward, and checked his student's pulse and temperature, placing a careful hand at his neck and then forehead. The Cursed Seal mark the clan branded their branch members with glared angrily up at Gai but he tried to ignore it for Neji thought it was most unyouthful (well, Neji tended to use stronger language than that, but yes, Maito Gai censors his thoughts) and would not like to know that Gai had stared at it. If he even found out it was Lee who removed his hitai-ate, he'd probably have a seizure.

Confident his student was fully healthy and only in need of a nap of youth, Gai went to the kitchen to lay out a teapot and soup for his student.

**

* * *

**Mizuki, still in his slightly (hah!) drunken state, made his rather slow and tipsy way back to the academy. He was certain he wasn't walking in a straight line, which made his frown, because, as a ninja, he should be able to walk straight even when he'd had… um… a lot of sake. How much _did_ he put in the coffee? _Maybe I shoulda counted_, he thought. _Oh well_, he added cheerfully.

He entered the door and slowly trudged his way to his classroom. Except he wasn't sure which was his, or if he was even meant to be in the classroom he shared with Iruka-san, or if he was supposed to go to the testy room. "Haha, testy," he giggled, much to the alarm of the students in the hallway changing classes. He waved at them, then fell to the floor, having lost his already limited balance.

"Dagnammit," he mumbled, then decided that since he was already on the ground, he might as well take a nap. He could deal with the Kyuubi brat later. That settled, he closed his eyes and began snoring almost immediately, not even shifting to a more comfortable position.

* * *

Tenten felt extremely proud of herself. All she had to do was figure out _when_ before the Chuunin Exams she had come back to. She didn't really know how time travel worked, and she hadn't noticed anything about today that could distinguish it from her normal training days, even in her real time. The only differences had been Ibiki showing up during training and Gai-sensei claiming that Tenten technically did not have a snake summoning contract yet. Oh, and the fact that Tenten now had weights and legwarmers over her green trousers, but she figured that even in the future, she would have one day agreed to those—after all, when she did agree, Tenten still hadn't confirmed (or even noticed, really, but she ignored that) that she was back in the past.

Oh, wait. _Green_ trousers? _Well, dagnammit_, Tenten thought. _That should have been the first clue! When I dressed this morning, my clothing was pink and green, not red and cream. Oops._

Shrugging, Tenten turned to Lee, who was munching away happily on a piece of celery. "Should we get to work on calculating the area of my genjutsu?" she asked.

"Sure!" Lee agreed with vigor and the power of youth. Then he frowned slightly. "But won't I have to make adjustments each time I fight because different genjutsu will have different area of spread?" he asked.

Tenten nodded slowly. "Yeah, and you'll also have to take into consideration how powerful the user is. For example, Kurenai-sensei is a genjutsu user naturally, so it'll be harder to avoid hers than my own."

"Right," Lee agreed, not questioning how Tenten knew of Kurenai. Gai-sensei mentioned her earlier, but Tenten still figured she should probably be a little careful about what she said until she found Sakura later.

Standing up and brushing her hands off on her trousers, Tenten waited for Lee to finish swallowing. He nodded at her when he'd stood up and was ready in the middle of the training ground, and she applied a simple genjutsu to him. "Okay, Lee, you're in the illusion," she told him.

He nodded. "Yes, it feels different now. Okay, so now what do we do?"

Tenten paused, thinking. "Hmm… I should try to contract how far the illusion expands, and you should see if it feels any different. Then I'll slowly make it bigger while you get used to the changes, and we'll see how large it gets."

Lee nodded, and the two set to work.

* * *

Temari and her team stopped at a side café, ordering food and drinks to keep them going. As desert nin, they could run for hours without nourishment, but Temari would be damned if she let that stop her from spoiling her otouto… and her imouto. And her sensei. But her main concern was her otouto.

Gaara was so short, just like Naruto. There was no way he'd been eating right, and she was determined to fix that now rather than later. That way, he'd be tall.

Or not, because genetically, your height is limited anyway, but meh. Temari didn't care about that stuff.

_Maybe I should make sure Naruto eats right, too… Nah, Hinata'll do that._

Her own onigiri was already finished, as it was one of the foods she didn't dislike… and there were few of those for this "troublesome woman". Temari smiled. She'd missed Shikamaru for the last… few… hours.

_Oh man, I am pathetic. I'm actually in love with the guy_, she thought.

* * *

Baki and Kankuro noted their female companion's horrified expression and wondered if it had anything to do with Gaara. But, she was looking completely the wrong way for that.

"Perhaps we shouldn't be so doubtful of the idea that she wants to help him," Baki muttered.

"I think we should still be cautious," Kankuro said. He was technically the older brother here, but that did not mean Gaara didn't scare the poop out of him.

Hey, at least he was mature enough to admit it.

* * *

Anko heard a rushed noise behind her, and had almost launched three kunai in the direction of the disturbance when Nameless Ninja One burst through the trees. Anko and Yamato stopped on the next branch, and the two nameless ninja joined them a second later.

"He wasn't there," Nameless Ninja One said.

"Okay. We'll go check the next town, at the gambling spots and bathhouses. And any, um, _ladies places_," Anko said.

"Pervert," Nameless Ninja Two said disapprovingly, frowning into the distance as if he could see Jiraiya.

"And you aren't?" Anko asked dryly.

"No!" Nameless Ninja Two denied. "My Kaasan brought me up as an honest Catholic!"

"Dear kami," Anko mumbled to Ten—Yamato.

"Exactly!" Nameless Ninja Two cried victoriously.

"Let's just head out," Nameless Ninja One suggested.

"Okay," Anko and Yamato agreed hurriedly.

"I'll convert you yet!" Nameless Ninja Two assured them as they ran towards the next village.

Anko quietly passed some cotton buds to Yamato to block Nameless Two out.

* * *

Shikamaru's test was finished, so he opened the door and proceeded to shuffle his way back to the classroom, figuring there was no rush since he was done and the next person probably didn't really want to take the test anyway.

He stopped walking altogether, however, when he saw the silver-haired man lying in the hallway. "Mizuki-sensei?"

The man shifted slightly on the floor and let out a groan, but otherwise did not show any signs of moving or acknowledging Shikamaru. The boy approached cautiously and poked his teacher with the toe of his shoe.

"Mehbelgers," Mizuki said.

Shikamaru raised an eyebrow and nudged his teacher a little harder. "Mizuki-sensei?"

"Mem mool wanna gake up."

Shikamaru shrugged and went inside the classroom Mizuki was just outside of, calling the next student to go take his exam. "Don't trip over Mizuki-sensei," Shikamaru warned the boy. "He's sleeping in the hallway."

The boy's eyes widened, and he looked confused, but he said nothing as Shikamaru just ignored him and went back to his seat. As the kid left the classroom, Shikamaru slumped down and went to sleep.

"Well?" Naruto demanded impatiently a few seconds later.

Shikamaru raised his head slightly off his arms to look up at his friend. "Well what?"

"Well… how did it go?" Naruto pressed.

"Was it hard?" Kiba asked. "It wasn't for me," he boasted, "but you never do your work."

"Shikamaru is much smarter than you and your—"

"Don't say it, Shino!" Kiba interrupted loudly.

Shino merely stared at him from behind his glasses.

Chouji looked at his best friend with worry. "_Did_ you pass, Shikamaru?" he asked.

Shikamaru raised his head fully off his arms, giving up on sleeping for now. "Of course," he answered, not at all offended.

"Good," Chouji beamed.

Ino turned her head from her seat at the front of the class. "Good job, Shikamaru! We'll be Team Ten for sure!"

"Why Ten?" Chouji whispered to Shikamaru.

"No clue," the boy answered as he once more tried to sleep.

"He is so unbelievably lazy," Naruto said after a moment of staring at his now snoring friend.

Kiba nodded.

**

* * *

****AN: ****Again, I apologize for the lateness of the chapter, but hopefully the writing makes up for it? Let me know! Fuel my ego! (Which, in case you were wondering, is currently 1,394 miles squared and expanding at a rate of 5 favorite story/story alerts per day.)**

Ooh, I'm now a betareader! I'm not really sure what to do next, but if you want me to beta something, go read my little beta thingy. Yep. =)


	10. By All Means, Do

I realized around the Fourth of July that it had been a sad two years since my last update for this story. I have actually written more of it since then, but I hadn't posted anything. Hopefully, this chapter will rock awesomesocks to make up for that patheticness on my part. If not, at least you know I love you all enough to try.

In other news, I am almost a graduate of college. :D Let's hope that means something and I find a real job, eh?

Please listen to the awesomeness that is NubbyCakums and his song, _Minecraft Forest_. I listened to it for most of the time I spent writing this. :D

**By All Means, Do**

As Gai made soup and tea for his one student, his other two practiced genjutsu to assist Lee in identifying them and possibly dispelling them. It was going about as well as... Well, it wasn't going very well.

"Okay, Lee," Tenten said, "the genjutsu is only surrounding you. Try to move."

He twitched his finger.

Tenten barely noticed.

"Such brutal attacks, Tenten-San!" he cried, out of breath.

The kunoichi frowned "I haven't moved."

"A devious trick!" cried Lee. "Although I think that may mean something important," he spoke to the last location illusion-Tenten had been standing. "Genjutsu paralyzes me!" he stated gravely, as if this hadn't been obvious _before_they began the training.

Tenten frowned thoughtfully at Lee's insightful observation. "I've heard of that happening when a very strong genjutsu user casts the jutsu, such as Yuuhi-sensei or Uchiha Itachi, but I'm not at their level. You are very susceptible to them. How can we work with that?" She puzzled over this some more as Lee thought back over the sensations of the illusions he'd been under so far, trying to develop a solution to Lee's problem.

"What if… No, that wouldn't work," Lee began.

"We could… No," he shook his head dismissively.

"What about… hmm." His hand began stroking his imaginary beard in thought.

"Lee," Tenten finally stated.

Her teammate glanced over at her.

"That's kind of annoying," she told him.

Lee looked mortified. "Oh my goodness, Tenten-san! I apologize most unreservedly! I did not mean to offend you, I was merely attempting to gather my thoughts and develop a solution to this unyouthful quandary we find ourselves in!" He gasped in horror. "I shall do what is only acceptable for such an offense as this," he vowed to her in the next breath. "I shall run the whole of Fire Country… tonight!" With that, Tenten's genin teammate charged out of the training field, through the streets of the village towards the gate, and into the world beyond.

"Oh," Tenten said. "I wasn't… I wasn't quite expecting that as a reaction… I think this Lee is a bit more dramatic than mine," she remarked to herself.

A thought occurred to her as she stared slightly dazedly at the dust still settling from where Lee had kicked it up in his power-charge-run. "I hope he isn't marked as a missing-nin for this…"

* * *

A little while later, the class finally reached the "U" section of the roster, and it was Sasuke, Uchiha's turn to take the exam. He stood reluctantly from his chair and began his descent, bracing himself for unwanted hugs, kisses, glomps, flomps, whomps, catcalls, dog whistles, and other attention.

He was still surprised when none of that happened, and glanced suspiciously at Sakura and Ino, wondering just what they were up to.

They were ignoring him.

His suspicion level rising, he continued out of the room and down the hall to the other class, trying to decipher why his two biggest fangirls could not give a hoot about the fact that he was about to test. They didn't call good luck to him, nor had they offered him any hugs, kisses, or food—which he was _more_ than happy about, but that didn't change the fact that it was unusual.

He stomped into the room where Iruka-sensei was waiting and shut the door behind him, perhaps a little louder than necessary.

"Sasuke-kun," Iruka said, waving him forward. "Please perform a bunshin for me."

Nodding, Sasuke took a deep calming breath and gathered his chakra. Forming the seals with his hands, he spoke the required words, and out popped a clone.

Sasuke smirked. Not that he was worried or anything, but proving his awesomeness was a key part of his life.

"Um, Sasuke," Iruka said after a moment.

"Yes, Sensei?" Sasuke responded.

"That's not a clone. While I appreciate your attempts to prove your knowledge to me, Naruto's 'Sexy Technique' is not the best way to do this," his teacher said sternly.

Sasuke blinked. "What?" he asked dumbly. He looked down at himself. "Oh." He wanted to add more, but swearing in front of your teacher is never a good idea.

"Yes," Iruka agreed. "Oh."

Quickly undoing the henge, Sasuke mumbled an apology. "Can I… May I try again, Sensei?"

"Technically, no," Iruka answered immediately. At Sasuke's protest, Iruka continued, "However, I am willing to make an exception in this instance, based on your record and past performance. Proceed," he said.

"Hai," Sasuke said, trying to be as humble as possible. Inside, he was seething. How had he messed up so badly? Was he really so distracted? _Oh my kami_, he realized. _I don't… I don't _like_ Sakura, do I?_ he wondered. _Am I… jealous that her affections have turned elsewhere?_ He was horrified by the thought, and, for a worrying moment, felt his breakfast of tomato, eggs, bacon, and bagel backing up on him.

"Sasuke?"

"Oops, sorry, Sensei. I was… collecting my thoughts," he bluffed.

Iruka nodded. "When you're ready," he said.

"Right," Sasuke nodded. _Concentrate, idiot! You're acting like Naruto, getting all flustered over… a girl. Ewwwwww._

Iruka wondered what was going through his student's head as he made such an odd expression. _Kids…_

* * *

Finally! His goal was in sight. He had made it. Kakashi had finally finished stumbling across town and reached the dango stand to retrieve his _Icha Icha_.

He tried to walk up as calmly as he could to look inconspicuous, but all he really managed to achieve was to stop shunshining and merely run at a gallop-trot-jog-skip pace.

"Back so soon?" the owner greeted him cheerfully. "Where's Anko-san?" he asked.

Kakashi paused in his careful retracing of his steps, foot still in the air as he answered the man. "She had a mission. Crazy woman stole my book," he added under his breath, convinced before he even examined the area that this was true.

"A book?" the man asked. "It wouldn't happen to have an orange cover, would it?"

Kakashi leapt toward the man. "You found it?" he cried, eye big and sparkly with joy as he grasped the man's apron and jerked him forward.

The poor fellow attempted to back away, but Kakashi's assault on his persona was quite impossible to break free of. "Um... Yes?" He pointed to where Kakashi and Anko had ordered earlier. "It was over there."

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay!" Kakashi cheered, dropping the man's apron and hopping to the table. "Where, where, where, where?"

The man sighed. "I said it was over there. I moved it back here once I saw it."

Kakahi leapt back at him. "Gimme gimme gimme gimme!" he shouted, holding on to the edge of the counter and hopping up and down against it.

_This man is insane_, he thought. _I am so glad I listened to my mother when she said, "Don't be a ninja, Shuhei."_"One second," he said slowly. Keeping his eyes on the shinobi, he reached under his counter and grabbed the orange book he found earlier. Placing it carefully on the desk, he slid it across to Kakashi and stepped away from the counter, wary of the repercussions.

Kakashi felt his eyes bug outward. His book! His precious book! He finally held it in his arms once again, and the feeling was irreplaceable. He lovingly caressed the book's spine, running his fingers over the familiar pattern of the letters as he breathed in the still-there book scent of those well-crafted pages. His fingers traced delicately over the curve of the 'c' in "Icha" and moved on to the 'h'—wait. Wait. Where, where, where did the 'h' go? His eyes flew open and focused on the title. He jerked the book away from his body in shock, holding it out at arm's length. "This," he said in outrage, "is not. My. Book."

The poor dango owner backed a nervous step away. "It-it isn't," he answered, uncertain if this should be a question or not. He pulled at his collar.

"No," said Kakashi. "It most definitely is not." His eyes took on a dangerous hue. The stall owner ducked fearfully behind the counter, then popped his head over the top to see what Kakashi would do. The ninja gathered chakra. Shuhei kept his head down.

"Chidori!" Kakashi cried out as the sound of one thous—nine hundred and ninety-nine chirping birds filled the area. Shuhei fearfully waited for that crackling noise to push through his bunker, but it never did.

Kakashi laughed evilly. "Mwahahahaha," he said.

"Kakashi," Kurenai began from behind him, "I'm sure I don't want to know based on the fact that you said 'mwahahahaha,' but what exactly is going on?"

Kakashi turned to see Asuma watching him as well. He stared down at the evidence against him: charred remains, smoking chakra hand; and decided there was one course of action to take. "Hahahaha, you caught me."

Kurenai stared.

Kakashi attempted his best shame-faced look. "Guess I won't be able to prevent everyone from reading science books after all," he said lamely.

"You killed a bird to burn a science book?" Asuma asked.

"So that's why Chidori was quieter than usual," Kakashi realized.

Kurenai looked ready to facepalm.

"Yeah..." Asuma said.

"So," Kakashi happily interjected into the silence. "Whatcha up to?" he moved away from the dango stand, hoping they would follow. "You guys on a date?" he joked, snickering. These two would 'never' go on a date. Last time Asuma asked her out, Kurenai had in no uncertain terms told him she thought he was the biggest monkey brain around, and that includes his summons. Asuma's biggest mistake had then been to follow that up with a comment on her (rather tight-fitting) shirt.

To Kakashi's surprise, they both flushed pink. _Oh my_, he thought, suspicion dawning. "You're both ill!" And he promptly swept them both up and ran off to the hospital.

"Kakashi's youth is growing!" Gai beamed proudly as he ran by on his way back to Lee and Tenten. Not to be outdone, he picked up a passing bus full of American school kids on a field trip and threw it towards the mountains to speed their journey.

* * *

Sakura and her "clones" were still sitting in the classroom, waiting (rather impatiently on the kunoichi's part) for the exam to finish. "Dagnammit, we haven't even got to Naruto yet!" she cried. "How is this taking so freaking long!"

"Who is Naruto?" Shin asked.

"Isn't that a topping for ramen?" Sai queried.

"It is, but it is also Naruto-kun's name. He was named after the main character of _Tales of a Gutsy Ninja_, by Jiraiya-sama," Hinata supplied.

"Ah," Shin said, "that is my favorite book."

"Really?" Hinata said excitedly. "Mine too!"

"I wonder why," Ino stage-whispered to Sakura. "NO, NO MORE POKING ME, DAGNAMMIT!"

Hinata retracted her fingers, and carried on a discussion of plot development, characterization, emotional content, rising climax/falling action, and so on with Shin.

"I love the portrayal of enemy ninja!" Shin said. "How did you imagine them? I always pictured Naruto as myself, and the enemy as looking like Danz—someone I know."

"I think everyone imagines themselves," Hinata agreed. "But the enemy I pictured as Orochimaru."

"The Snake User? That is odd."

"Well, he abandoned Konoha, and tales of him are shared around the village," Hinata answered. "I find him quite creepy, and I'm sure, given the chance, he'd do his best to destroy Konoha, or at the very least, cause mayhem for us. Also, his obsession with the Sharingan and Uchihas in general is a little weird."

"You imagined a pedophile as the villain?" Sai asked expressionlessly.

Sakura laughed. "Sai, I love you."

All conversation paused.

Sai looked at her very closely. "I think I could love you, too, but your hair _is_ pink. And your fore—"

An elbow was quickly rammed in his chest. Sakura's eye twitched violently.

Ino doubled over with laughter. "Haha, Sakura, just can't get away from it, can you? First it's 'Ugly', and now it's your hair and forehead! Haha!"

"Ino. Pig. Shut. Up."

Ino quickly obeyed, as Shin berated Sai for being rude.

"At least he said he could love you," Hinata mentioned.

"True," Ino nodded quickly, trying to get back in Sakura's good graces as the other girl glared at her. She decided it would be unwise to point at that Sai also even knew what love meant this time around. Sakura probably would not take that too well.

"These girls are still exceptionally strange, Nii-san," Sai said.

"I know," Shin agreed. "But it's probably best not to say anything about that right now," he said, hoping his brother would take the hint.

Sai looked around thoughtfully, then nodded. "You're right." Then he went quiet again.

* * *

Stopping at the next onsen on her endless list, Anko barged in through the doors to the bath before belatedly realizing Jiraiya would never be _in _the bath. He'd be outside it, poking a hole through the fence and peering in. She quickly exited the way she had entered, and ran around the side of the building. Nope, no Jiraiya.

Removing the cotton buds from her ears, she skipped onto a rooftop and ran until she found Yamato and the Nameless Ones exiting a poker house. "Guys!" she called.

They turned towards her.

"I just realized: This will go a lot faster if we split up and look for them!"

Yamato tried to resist the urge to face-palm. "I will take Akio with me," he said.

Anko gave him a blank look. "Who's Akio?"

Nameless Two stepped forward. "It is I."

"Oh thanks heavens," Anko said rudely. "I don't think I can put up with more religious talk, honestly," she said, though Nameless Dos had been quiet for pretty much the whole journey so far after that initial conversation.

Yamato decided to ignore this and push towards getting their mission accomplished. At this point, all he really wished to do was go home, take a shower, and have a drink at the bar where everyone would call him by his proper name. "Okay, send a signal if you find them and of course, we will do the same."

Anko nodded, becoming serious for a moment. "This mission is of the utmost importance. A lot of things are about to happen in the village and we need to be prepared. Do not, for any reason, fail in this mission. If you find either of them, head immediately back to the village," she told her team. "Send a summon to me as soon as you have done so. That's all!" she barked, jumping from the roof and heading towards the next city with Nameless One hot on her heels… as soon as he realized she had gone.

* * *

Back on the road again, Temari sprang forward with new found energy in every step. Her love for Shikamaru freshly in her head and heart once more spurred her on, though another overwhelming factor was that she also needed to use the lavatory rather desperately, thanks to the excessive amounts of tea she had consumed at the café.

Oh, and she was super excited about Naruto and Gaara meeting and Jiraiya fixing Gaara's seal and seeing her friends from Konoha again and all that stuff.

But she mostly just had to pee. _Really _had to pee.

"Come on, guys!" she urged to the two slower members of the team.

"We've… been running… for… five… and… a half… no… wait… forty-five minutes!" Kankuro complained breathlessly.

"You forgot the word 'hours'," Gaara told him.

Kankuro somehow managed to summon enough breath to make another frightened 'eep' noise and apologize hastily to his younger brother.

Temari rolled her eyes, trying not to be offended. Suddenly, she had a brilliant idea. "Ow!" she screamed in agony, coming to a halt and grabbing Gaara's sleeve to catch her balance.

"Temari!" Baki cried out in concern, rushing to make sure she was okay.

"I'm fine," she told him, shoving him and Kankuro away. "You guys go on ahead. I just need to rest a second. No, Gaara, stay here. You can keep me company and make sure I'm safe from any baddies that happen along this pathway," she said when he tried to pull away and leave with Baki and Kankuro.

The other said shinobi gave Temari what felt like the hundredth concerned look of the day, but in reality, it was only the thirty-second.

She rolled her eyes once more, shooing them on with one free hand while clutching her side in the other.

Glancing at each other, they shrugged before resuming their run once more.

"Finally," she muttered, moving her hand back to her side.

Gaara frowned in confusion. "What's wrong?" he asked, uncertain if he was doing this right. He'd been concerned for someone before, of course, so he was not a complete novice, but it had been a while ago and he was a little rusty on the emotion front.

"Oh, that? Nothing, I was just trying to get rid of them. Listen," she said, ignoring Gaara's wide eyes, "I have a great plan!"

She waited for him to look more attentive. "You and Naruto must have an Epic Fight!"

Gaara wrinkled the spot where his eyebrows used to be. "Did you say that with capitals?" he asked. "I could _hear_ them."

_Poor ototou,_ she thought. _He sounds so confused_. "Yes, I did. Allow me to explain."

He gave her a 'by all means, do' gesture.

"Every time someone has an Epic Fight with Naruto, they are converted into his… faction," she decided to term it for the time being. She wasn't sure what else to term it, but if anyone ever needed to build an army from scratch, she'd just have them contact Naruto and get him to bring his fan-club out to fight the war. They'd have more than enough people, and if not, they could always pick some up along the way. Heck, halfway through the war, they'd all be friends and agreeing to get ice cream Friday night after seeing a movie together. "Anyway," Temari continued, shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "If you have an Epic Fight with him, he'll show you… he'll show you his perspective on things. Basically everything I've told you already," she clarified. "Except because it is an Epic Fight, everyone will understand what caused you to change your mind and will stop questioning it. Meaning Baki and Kankuro can stop giving me those annoying little glances every time I squee," she concluded happily.

"So… this 'Epic Fight'… Do I win it, or must I lose? Or is it not staged?" Gaara asked, struggling to understand.

Temari blinked. "I think you usually have to lose for it to work, but you're basically already there with the whole therapy side of things and we just need the battle so that it looks more convincing. We'll leave it up to you, or I can check what the girls have to say. They might have a better understanding of this since they're from Konoha."

"Okay," Gaara agreed slowly. "Who are the girls?" he asked, wondering if it was a smart question.

Temari smiled happily, beginning to run again. They'd sat for long enough that Kankuro and Baki could gossip like the old biddies they really were. "The girls are my friends!" she chirped. "Ino, Sakura, and Hinata are your age, and they're Naruto's classmates. Tenten is a year above them but a year behind me. She's pretty cool. She's not as good as me, of course," Temari said, "but her weapons skill is high and she stores all her shiny swords in a bunch of scrolls."

Gaara felt, for the first time ever, a little bit of worry at the glittering hearts in his sister's eyes at the thought of all those weapons. He felt he understood Kankuro a little bit more. "How do you know them?" he asked, shifting the subject to a more comfortable area.

She almost said, "They're my friends from the future, duh," but realized that might not be such a great idea. She should at least confirm with the others that it was okay to let people know before spreading such news, though she doubted Gaara would go around telling anyone. "Um… I met them online through a pen pal site I found."

"Ah," Gaara nodded. He had almost tried those once, but then Yashamaru exploded in front of him so he just decided to go crazy instead and save himself the bother. Well, it was not quite that simple but the result of him not gaining a pen pal was still the same.

"All right," Baki said as Temari and Gaara reached him and Kankuro. "I think we've made it far enough for one day. Temari," he said as she glared at him. "Your brother cannot go any longer. Besides, you know as well as I do that this is a _three day_ journey. Much as I would like to, we cannot condense it any further than that. Not in this desert heat, anyway."

"But we're missing the best part! They could be having ramen by now!" Temari protested, though no one present had a clue as to what she was referring to.

* * *

In reality, they were still on the U's and Uzamaki Naruto was just about to take his final exam for Ninja Academy to determine if he passed or failed, but everyone tends to forget about time zones when they travel, and Temari was no exception.

"No matter how you do, I'll still make you brownies," Hinata told Naruto sincerely, not wishing to set his hopes high when she was positive he would be failing the exam anyway.

He smiled slightly. "Thanks, Hinata! I'll do my best!"

"You always do," she smiled.

Sakura and Ino similarly wished him luck without wishing him luck, then he left the room to take his exam while they waited with bated breath.

Though not for very long, as it is quite hard to hold your breath for much more than thirty seconds, even if you are a shinobi.

"Welp, that's that," said Ino.

The three nodded decisively, then turned back to their intense game of Rock-Paper-Scissors.

* * *

AN: Just so everyone knows, I read that last part of the last sentence in the gruffest voice possible, and was really hoping I could find a way to convey that in writing. Alas, as much as it saddens me, I am forced to accept the reality that probably the only person who reads things I write as I intend them to be read is my brother.


	11. Dagnammit

Yay, plot. Sort of.

10/16/2012: Fixed the continuity error at the end of the chapter.

**Dagnammit**

Sasuke sat slumped at his desk, contemplating the events that had recently transpired. By "recently transpired," the boy really meant his sudden realization during his Genin Exam (an inconvenient time, to say the least) that he _liked_ Haruno Sakura. The pink-haired girl he'd always considered a nuisance and a _fan-girl_.

Now that he thought about it, though, she was quite smart and her hair made her exotic and the fact that she was now paying attention to someone that was not him was also probably a driving factor in his realization.

It still was not so good that he had come to this conclusion while testing with Iruka-sensei, but the man was understanding enough…

_Flashback to Sasuke's Exam of Emo—tion._

_"Oops, sorry, Sensei. I was… collecting my thoughts," he bluffed._

_Iruka nodded. "When you're ready," he said._

_"Right," Sasuke nodded. _Concentrate, idiot! You're acting like Naruto, getting all flustered over… a girl. Ewwwwww.

_Iruka wondered what was going through his student's head as he made such an odd expression. _Kids…

_Sasuke placed his hands together in the appropriate seal, gathering his chakra. He felt it collect at his core, then stutter to nothing. "It's just," he began, ignoring Iruka's sigh as he realized his student was not going to be doing anything until he said his piece, "Sakura is driving me crazy!"_

_Iruka smiled gently. "Girls tend to do that," he said._

_Sasuke nodded. "I don't know what to do."_

_Thinking this was related to the stalking, Iruka responded, "Well, I wouldn't draw attention to yourself. It's best to just keep doing what you're doing, and she'll grow out of it," he told the boy. "Now, can you perform the jutsu?"_

_Sasuke nodded distractedly, trying to understand the advice his teacher gave him_.

_End flashback._

He managed to perform the bunshin okay, but the problem now was why Iruka had told him to ignore Sakura. If he thought he liked her… shouldn't he… pursue her? Or even do the opposite of what Iruka-sensei had said? Confused, he placed his head back down on the desk and forced the thoughts from his mind. He'd been fine ten minutes ago and he'd just have to go back to that. He had to kill Itachi before he worried about girls, anyway.

Naruto stood before Iruka-sensei, smiling as confidently as he could, even though he wasn't too sure how well this exam would go. Bunshin was, after all, his worst jutsu. Also, Sasuke-jerk was being a little weird when he came back to the classroom and didn't even tell the next student to go to the room. He'd just walked in and flopped down at his desk, all mopey, and started staring at Naruto's Sakura-chan!

Well, she wasn't _his_ particularly, but he'd liked her for practically his whole life and felt very protective towards her (even though he now had Hinata-chan, too). Anyway, Sasuke's stare at Sakura wasn't the same as it used to be and Naruto was concerned. His classmate was giving off funky vibes and seemed to be depressed about something. Or distracted.

Either way, Naruto had a test whose butt needed some serious kicking, so he pushed thoughts of the Jerk aside and smiled at his Academy teacher.

Iruka-sensei smiled back. "Ready, Naruto-kun?"

Naruto nodded in response.

"All right, please perform a bunshin jutsu for me."

Naruto took a deep breath and closed his eyes, going slowly through the seals once for practice, and then again for the real jutsu. He'd practiced this one constantly and knew the theory and the hand movements inside and out. He just could never get this one to work for him.

He heard the pop noise and squinted through one eye. Iruka shook his head slightly, and Naruto deflated.

_Dagnammit_, he thought. _Dagnammit, dagnammit, dagnammit. _"Dagnammit!" he cried.

Iruka stood from his seat and came around to the front of the desk. "Naruto," he said, looking seriously at his student. "Try one more time. Other students have had second chances today, too. It seems the class is not at its best right now," he added, more to himself than his pupil.

Naruto shook his head, wiping his nose on his sleeve when he hoped his teacher wasn't looking. "No, that's not fair to everyone else if I get a second try. And plus, it won't change anything. I can't do this stupid jutsu!"

Iruka looked hopelessly at his student, his brain floundering for a solution. He really could think of nothing that would work. "Just try again," he said. He had low hopes it would work, but… he couldn't bear the thought of having to fail Naruto.

Shoulders still slumped, Naruto performed the jutsu the second time.

There was silence in the room.

"I'm sorry, Naruto-kun," Iruka said sadly. "I have to fail you."

Naruto nodded slowly, determined to leave the room before he reacted anymore than that. "Thanks for being such a good sensei," he told the man. "Sorry I was such a pain in the butt."

Leaving the room, he missed Iruka's determined expression.

Gai returned to the training field to find Tenten throwing her weapons at a target. He joyfully wiped his eyes as her second kunai pushed the first further into the heart of the target tree, before he realized Lee was nowhere to be seen.

"Tenten-chan," he began, "where is Lee-kun?"

"Oh, hi, Gai-sensei," she said, retrieving a giant spiked object from a scroll. "He said something about running the whole of Fire Country tonight as a punishment for slightly irritating me. He's been gone about five minutes, so I figure he's nearly done." Her face wrinkled in concern as she launched the object towards a new target, successfully knocking the whole thing over in one hit.

Gai took a small step backwards as she continued.

"He won't be marked as a missing-nin for leaving the village, will he?" she asked.

Gai's brows rose in shock at the thought. "Tenten," he said, leaning conspiratorially towards her. "We must prepare to leave the village. If that happens, our team will be destroyed unless we follow him."

Tenten nodded seriously.

"We must go get Neji ready, too," Gai-sensei said, realizing the only way to save his precious student from the horrors of being a missing-nin is by becoming a missing-nin himself.

Tenten shrugged in agreement. _Makes sense to me_, she thought agreeably.

The two took off, back to Neji's house.

Anko and Nameless Ninja One searched three towns before they came across any clues that Jiraiya had been there.

Nodding towards the broken fence of the women's side of the onsen, the two continued at a slower pace through the town, looking for bars or clubs that the shinobi may have stopped at.

They found one within a minute that looked promising. Exchanging a Ninja Nod (basically, any nod that conveys a mutual understanding of the circumstances and the next five stages of the plan), the two marched inside, doors swinging shut behind them.

"Jiraiya-sama, the Toad Sage of the Three Sannin! Reveal yourself!" Anko called dramatically.

Nameless One would later swear to anyone who would listen that he heard crickets chirp in the bar in the silence.

"Ain't no one here by that name, sweetie! But you can come reveal yourself, if you want," a man said with a leer.

Anko, surprisingly, barely spared him a glance, and instead pushed her way further inside, storming to the barman and grabbing his shirt. "You seen a white-haired old man with a scroll on his back nearby?" she asked.

He quickly shook his head.

"Hmm," she said, unrelenting of her hold. She nodded sideways to her subordinate. "Look around," she commanded.

He saluted her formally, and quickly checked the place out. "He's nowhere around here," he told her five minutes later.

She released the barman. "All right, thanks! Have a great day," she chirped, exiting to find a new club to terrorize—investigate.

In the next town over, Yamato was having no better luck. Though he was a bit more polite about his search, neither Tsunade nor Jiraiya had been seen or heard of by the people they questioned.

"I wonder if they are even in Fire Country," Akio mused.

Yamato stopped walking at the thought. "You have a point… Jiraiya-sama may be closer to Amegakure…" he trailed off, keeping his thoughts to himself as he didn't want to risk revealing village secrets. With a confident nod, he started moving again, taking quickly to the roofs to travel faster. "We should leave Fire Country," he said.

Baki and Kankuro grabbed an arm each, dragging Temari away from the path and towards the hotel they had conveniently paused in front of.

"No! Noooo!" she screamed dramatically, wriggling in their grasps to get away.

"Temari, you are being difficult," Baki said in an exasperated tone.

"We have to get there tonight! Does this place have bathrooms?" she asked randomly once they were inside, her whole demeanor changing.

The innkeeper nodded slowly. "Yes, miss; there are lavatories in each room. How long will you be staying?" she asked, sensing a sale.

Temari glared at the innkeeper. "Not at all. I just need the bathroom." She twisted around one last time, breaking free of her captors, then stomped off towards the back of the place. Her instincts told her the bathrooms were back there for sure.

The innkeeper glared at Baki, who could only shrug in response. He glanced towards Kankuro, hoping for some sympathy, but panicked when he realized his two other pupils were missing. "Um… excuse me," he said, grinning sheepishly as he spun in a circle and bolted out the door, straining his chakra for any sense of his students.

Unfortunately, he ran the wrong way, as his students had chosen to follow their elder sister and explore the hotel.

Exiting the bathroom, Temari was surprised to see Gaara and Kankuro studying the fire escape route. "Ready to keep going?" she asked.

Kankuro turned around immediately, his face openly revealing his complete and utter distaste for the idea. "No," he said sullenly.

She shrugged. "It's like three in the afternoon. It'd be pathetic to stop this early." She held up a consenting hand, ensuring he shut up before he started. "But, I'm willing to stop for lunch," she said.

Gaara blinked. "We just had tea and biscotti."

Temari smiled at him and patted his head in a 'You're so cute and naïve' manner. "Yes, but that was just a snack. For the morning! We need real food now."

He blinked at her.

"By the way, where is Baki-sensei?" she asked, looking around.

Kankuro glanced to the left and right slowly, before succumbing to panic. "We're going to die!" he shrieked.

"We're not going to die, doofus. We just need to find our teacher," Temari answered calmly. "Now, do you think that lady swindled him into a room?"

They turned down the hall, walking further into the hotel's lair.

Kakashi smiled as he left the hospital, proud of himself. He'd performed his good deed of the day, and now, really didn't need to bother accomplishing anything else. If he could just find his stinking book, everything would be perfect.

Though he did have the sneaking suspicion that rather than doing Kurenai and Asuma a favor by dropping them off there, they had succeeded more in getting_ away_ from him.

Oh well.

He was finally going to check the last place where his beloved book could be, and he could feel the anticipation in his bones, his instinct telling him the book was safe and he would hold it in his arms once more. The thought of cradling the book like a lover comforted him more than Anko would be okay with, but Kakashi really couldn't be bothered about that.

He skipped up the steps and unlocked the door, latching it shut behind him with as much care as he could devote away from his goal. Restraining himself from merely bolting into the other room, Kakashi took measured steps towards the Place of Resting and squeezed his eyes momentarily shut to offer a prayer to his ancestors for good luck.

One eye popped open as he pushed the door open.

"Ah!" he cried in relief, sinking onto his knees as he took in the most precious sight before him.

His book lay just where he had left it the night before, lovingly stashed on top of a pile of other junk on his bedside table, right next to his pillow so it would always be within easy reach.

"Heh," he chuckled. "I guess with all the excitement and crazy of Anko's wakeup call, I didn't even have a chance to grab it," he laughed to himself as he kicked his shoes off at the wall behind him and dive-bombed onto his bed, burrowing himself into the covers. Grabbing the cherished _Icha Icha_ from the desk, he cuddled it closely to him like a teddy bear, rocking it back and forth in the cradle his arms automatically formed. "Hush little booky, don't you cry, Kakashi's going to read you… now…"

The room was silent for an awkward moment.

"Shut up, Mr. Ukki," he told his plant. "You know I missed you, too."

The girls were just finishing an argument over what game to play next, as Rock-Paper-Scissors can become boring after playing it 2,233 times in a row, when Naruto walked back into the room, a cloud of despair hanging thick over his head.

"Remember, don't say anything to make him feel bad about failing. We still need him to fight Mizuki-sensei!" Hinata reminded the group.

The others nodded, Shin deciding he'd make Sakura explain what the heck was going on when they were finally free of this Academy thing.

Sakura smiled brightly at the blonde as he walked towards their desks. "Naruto-kun!" she chirped. "You're back just in time. We decided to play six-way tick-tack-toe!"

Naruto forced a matching smile on his face as he sat down. He couldn't let them think he was depressed; they were being so nice to him! "That sounds interesting. How do we play?"

"Teams?" Sakura said after a few moments silence in which no one put forth a suggestion.

"Nah, let's just all make our marks and see what happens. We'll need a twelve-by-twelve grid and we'll still go for three in a row," Ino decided.

"Okay," Hinata agreed, already drawing perfectly straight lines down a page.

They were just finishing up a rather hectic game of drawing crazy symbols all over the page when Iruka-sensei and the last Academy student of their class walked back in.

"Okay, class, please settle down. We are done testing today. Everyone, please remember to turn in your Ninja Registration Forms tomorrow! Team placements will be the day after that. You will be introduced to your jounin-sensei then. Thank you all for your hard work this year and on your exam today; I'll see you all soon."

Iruka waited patiently for the students to file out of the room, hands clasped before him as he politely returned his students' goodbyes. _Leave faster_, he thought as he smiled at Ino and Sakura. _I need a drink_.


	12. Doubled

***deep narrator voice* It looks like a lot has changed for our time-travelers and their friends. Will Mizuki "help" Naruto to pass, or will Naruto remain in the academy for another year, leaving Sasuke and Sakura on a two-man team? Will Sakura end up with Sasuke or Sai? What happened to Baki? And will Lee and his team go missing-nin? Find out next time on... *DUN-DUN-DUN!* "Look, I Found... *Anko's scary voice* ...a SCROLL THINGY!" *echoing maniacal laughter***

(review by KiyumiArashi)

I did edit the ending of the last chapter. I had written they were getting teams tomorrow, but that actually occurs the next day. "Tomorrow" is Ninja Registration Form day!

**Doubled**

Baki, meanwhile, was frantically searching the area surrounding the inn for his students and imagining the many horrors they could have gotten up to. The other jounin-sensei's in Sunagakure were not envious of his position as teacher of Gaara, the village monster, but they neglected to realize that Baki's other two students were formidable powerhouses of their own rights and capable of causing just as much destruction as their younger brother. In other words, Baki was in charge of not one, but three genin who loved death, mayhem, and pain (respectively) and were more than competent enough to dish it out.

He feared for the poor little village and its residents. He just had to find his students before they destroyed the whole area. They were nearly to Fire Country, and he had a feeling Konohagakure's Hokage would not be pleased to hear of Suna nin demolishing a town so close to his precious village. He'd better find the three soon.

* * *

Temari stared in horror (and, admittedly, a bit of awe) at the destruction before her. She had no idea how it had happened, honestly, but the damage done was impressive.

One second, the wall was pristine before them (minus a few crayon marks the innkeeper hadn't quite managed to cover up from someone's hellish child), and the next, it lay in a crumpled heap fifty feet in front of them, the destruction revealing a few of the rooms and their occupants as the Sand Siblings gaped.

"Kankuro, how could you do this!?" she yelled a second later, immediately turning on her brother. "The walls are destroyed!"

He glared back at her in response. "I didn't do that! That was you! Your fan!"

"My fan? How could it be my fan?! I didn't even pull it out!"

"But you moved it! With chakra! It was a chakra-enhanced move!"

"I twitched my shoulder! I adjusted the strap!" Temari shouted back, eye twitching.

"Well, then it was a chakra-enhanced twitch!" Kankuro yelled.

Gaara merely crossed his arms over his chest and stood passively by, preferring to let the two argue it out together.

"Either way," Temari said, in a much calmer voice, "we can't leave this like that! The villagers hardly make enough money to support themselves and this will set the innkeeper back far more than I'm okay with."

Kankuro was shocked. Temari was normally heartless to the weak. What was going on? He gasped in horror as a possibility occurred to him that neither he nor Baki had considered before. Could she be… could Temari be… was it possible that his dear, beloved sister had been replaced with an _imposter_?! Taking a deep breath, he backed up a step, trying to distance himself from this _fake._

Temari glanced at him, eyebrow raised, but chose to ignore it. "Gaara, would you do me a favor, please?" she asked their younger sibling.

Kankuro realized in terror that she was trying to get their brother in on it, too. He fainted as the full scale and reality of this dreadful girl's plan hit him: an imposter had captured their sister, replaced her, and was now attempting to befriend Suna's jinchuuriki, possibly in an attempt to drag Gaara to their village. His last thought before darkness overtook everything was that this kunoichi _must_ be from Kumogakure.

* * *

Sasuke watched with narrowed eyes as Sakura took off for home, her two "clones" in tow. Ino and Hinata went their separate ways from her, Hinata heading home while the blonde stalked down Shikamaru and Chouji to press for some "Team Bonding Time".

Sasuke decided now would be a great time to put all his shinobi skills to use… and spy on Sakura.

Not because he… he… helikedher. But because she was up to something and it was suspicious and he needed to find out why his shinobi senses were tingling like that. Yeah, that was it.

He stealthily made his way across the Academy playground, hiding behind trees, the swing, and his classmates as he followed Sakura, Sai, and Shin back to her home.

"Sakura-san," Shin asked politely a few minutes into their journey.

"Mmm?" she answered distractedly.

"Why is that boy from your class following us?"

She glanced backwards to look. "Oh, Sasuke-kun? I don't know," she answered thoughtfully. "Hey, Sasuke!" she shouted. "What are you doing?"

The newly-pronounced genin in question sheepishly stepped out from behind a pole. "Um. Looking for tomatoes," he said lamely, quickly picking one up from a crate.

She raised an eyebrow. "Okay…"

"Um, Sakura!" he blurted before she could leave. "Can… I talk to you really quickly?"

She nodded.

"In private?"

Glancing at Sai and Shin, she stepped a little bit away with Sasuke. "Yes? Is something the matter?"

Sasuke nervously glared at a wall. "I was just wondering… that is, would you mind going out for dumplings sometime?" he asked.

Sakura, for her part, had no idea how to react to this. She mused for a few minutes over the irony of this situation, now finally understanding what was up. After all this time, after all those years crushing on Sasuke, only for it to remain unrequited for _years_, he was standing before her, asking for a date. Kami loved her some irony, that was for sure.

"Sakura?" Sasuke asked in a voice that indicated it was not the first time.

"Oh, sorry, I spaced out. Um, sure? I guess? When?" she replied, a little uncertainly.

Sasuke tried not to look pleased at her acceptance. "How about tomorrow?" he asked.

Sakura tried to remember what happened tomorrow. "Isn't tomorrow picture day or something?"

Sasuke nodded. "We have to complete our Ninja Registration Forms," he told her, pleased to be able to provide information to someone as knowledgeable as Sakura-chan.

"Okay, that will work," she said. _I don't remember anything really happening tomorrow, so sure. Why not have lunch with Sasuke?_ "Now, I really must be going, Sasuke-kun." She bowed slightly. "See you tomorrow!"

He nodded slightly in response, happy to have a date planned for tomorrow and for Sakura to call him "kun". He went home with a small smile on his face for the first time in many, many years.

"What did that dickless boy want?" Sai asked.

"Aniki!" Shin said admonishingly.

"A date," Sakura said with a shrug. "Now, to introduce you to my parents…"

* * *

Anko had stormed from bar to bar, club to club, ladies' bathhouse to ladies' bathhouse, and was growing bored of her peaceful methods. "I vote we just burn down the next village and wait for him to come crawling from the woodworks," she suggested to Nameless One as they reached the halfway point from Konohagakure to Suna.

He gaped at her in horror from beneath his mask. "Anko-san, I don't think that's a good idea!" he said, in a, 'Hey now! Let's not get hasty!' voice.

She blinked at him. "Okay, whatever you say. You be in charge then. I'm tired of being the bad guy!" she decided. "Hey, wait a minute! I know that guy!" she cried, suddenly bursting forward with new speed as she spotted an unfortunate male she apparently recognized (Nameless's words, not mine).

"Hey, you! Yeah, you! Suna-nin! Hold it right there!" she shouted, jumping down from the roof before the man with the cloth half-mask on his face. She leaned in close, ignoring the fact that he was currently reaching for a kunai with his right hand. "How do I know you?" she asked.

He stared at her. "I'm afraid I have no idea who you are," he said distastefully as he pushed her hand off his chin. "If you'll excuse me, I have to find my students before they destroy the village."

"Students! That's right! You're Baki-san! Gaara's teacher!"

His head whipped back toward her, as did the kunai.

Her hand flicked it easily away as he stared in shock. "How do you know of Gaara?" he asked. _How has the village's secret escaped so easily?_

"What do you me… oh. Um. I used to be Orochimaru's student," she answered, luckily remembering the alliance Sunagakure and the Sound currently have.

His eyes narrowed again. "I… see."

"So, whatcha up to?" Anko asked casually, as Nameless Ninja One gaped at the two, mouth moving wordlessly like a fish. "Ah, looking for your students, right?"

He nodded.

"Well, you haven't happened to see an old white haired man around anywhere, have you? I'm looking for one," she helpfully clarified the query.

His head shook.

"Okay, well, let me know if you do, and if I see Temari-chan, I'll tell her you're looking for her." Anko gave a cheery wave and walked away, leaving Baki and the ANBU to stare after her.

"Don't ask me, man, I know nothing," Nameless said as Baki glanced at him questioningly.

* * *

Yamato, for his part, had pushed Akio forward on the journey out of Fire Country, though he was still leaving wood clones behind to search the land and contact the fabled shinobi's spy network. The faster they could get word to him, the better.

It was as he was receiving chakra and a memory from another clone that he realized their side of the mission was complete. A reliable source was spotted by his clone in a bar close to the border, and Yamato could trust that man to tell Jiraiya to head home immediately. He held up a hand and stopped on a branch.

"We should circle back to Anko-san," he told Akio. The man nodded, assuming something had occurred to let his ANBU senpai know they were done even though he had noticed nothing.

They were halfway done. Finding Tsunade-sama at least should be a little easier… the Legendary Sucker was well known in all the lands.

* * *

Naruto trudged home alone, feeling depressed about his failure, but happy that he still had some of Hinata-chan's delicious ramen brownies in a Tupperware container. They, at least, cared about him. Yes, ramen had never let him down. Taking a minor detour back to his apartment, Naruto popped open the container and stuffed a brownie into his mouth, savoring the delicious miso chocolate flavor as he sat down atop the Hokage Monument. His house sat in the far part of the village he couldn't even see from here and he loved the view.

His eyes ran over the whole village he knew he would one day lead, and stopped on the peculiar sight that was Sakura-chan and her clones, apparently climbing the wall of her house to get inside. He blinked at that before moving on to other sights.

Oh, there was Hinata-chan! Maybe she'd make more brownies… he consumed another, delighting in the flavorful clash of spices as it rolled over his tongue. She was a great friend. He couldn't wait for Ino to give him more advice on that.

He wondered how she was doing with Chouji, but had little time to contemplate the issue as he sensed another presence walking up the path towards him. He turned slightly. "Mizuki-sensei?"

"Hi there, kiddies!" Mizuki shouted, drawing the words into longer syllables than they should have been.

Naruto unconsciously edged over.

* * *

Ino's nose tingled, alerting her to not only an oncoming sneeze, but a thought about her from another person. She quickly pinched her nose to prevent ruining the delicious barbeque meal before her and smiled at Chouji's concerned face. "Someone is admiring me," she explained.

Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "How did we even get dragged here?" he wondered aloud.

"Silly!" Ino declared. "You weren't dragged here! And don't say it like it's bad! We're a team. We must bond! Eat up, Chouji! You need the muscle!"

Chouji grinned at her. "Sure, Ino-chan!"

Shikamaru spared a few valuable seconds of sleep to give his friend a look and roll his eyes. "Chan?" he asked incredulously.

"She's paying," Chouji explained.

Ino chose to pretend not to hear this. "So, what are you guys going to do for your portraits tomorrow? Have you completed your forms? Will your parents be happy? My mom will make me do my hair tonight. Ick," she rambled.

"My mom will make me do my whole form twice," Shikamaru complained. "She'll want to be sure I get it right," he added at their confused looks.

"I think my parents will be proud of me. I hope they don't expect me to stop watching clouds with Shikamaru, though," he said, sounding worried.

"I'm sure they won't," Ino said, patting his arm genially. "Although, speaking of expectations, I actually have to get back. I'm supposed to watch the flower shop! Enjoy the food, guys! I'll tell the waitress to make sure you get a refill of sauce, Chouji!" she said, waving as she walked away.

They watched her run back to her family's shop before Shikamaru finally spoke. "Ino is weird," he stated.

Chouji nodded thoughtfully while sticking another piece of barbeque in his mouth. "I know. But she bought us lunch."

"True…" Shikamaru agreed, finally sampling a piece of the meat. _What is she up to?_ he wondered.

* * *

Tenten and Gai carefully let themselves into Neji's house, closing the door behind them to keep intruding eyes and ears from hearing their conversation. The Hyuuga needed their Compound to be protected against their own dojutsu; you can imagine how awkward it would be for them to accidentally watch each other using the lavatory or taking care of other essentials.

Tenten dutifully stood watch by the door, on the lookout for characters who realized suspicious activity was taking place, as Gai roused their teammate and searched for Neji's emergency pack, the backpack all shinobi had ready in case they were suddenly sent on a mission without prior warning and had to leave immediately.

Of course, it did no good if you didn't know where it was, but Gai decided to give Neji the benefit of the doubt and assume his pupil knew where his emergency pack was, even if Maito Gai did not.

Neji stirred slightly in his sleep, Gai's movements around the room apparently disturbing his rest. "No, no, Tenten! No weights! Bad weights! Must… tell… Hokage-snoooooore."

Gai quirked an eyebrow at his student, wondering if he heard the mutterings properly or not. Surely his student was having pleasant dreams in his slumber? Returning to the task at hand, Gai finally appropriated the emergency pack his student had made sure to place in plain sight, so he would be able to grab it at a moment's notice when required. "Aha!" he crowed cheerfully. He slung the bag across his back and moved to Neji's bedside. "Neji? Neji-kun, wake up. Neji," he said quietly enough to not alarm the boy, but loud enough to wake him.

Tenten, growing impatient by the doorway and also slightly certain that her teammate never ran the risk of becoming a missing-nin in the other timeline, left her post and came to Neji's bedroom to see what was taking so long. "Sensei? What are you doing?" she asked as Gai was now attempting to make faces at Neji as he stood over the boy with a foot on either side of the mattress in the hopes it would shock his pupil into alertness.

Gai turned around guiltily, fingers still in his mouth and tongue hanging out in a grotesque expression. "Yeth, Tenthen?"

"Um. Never mind," she said, hastily backing out of the room.

"Wait!" he said, pulling his fingers from his mouth and just grabbing Neji. "I'm ready to go!"

She glanced back. "Okay…"

With that, the two (three) headed towards the village gates, ready to find Lee and start their lives as missing-nin.

* * *

"What a youthful jog! But where is Tenten?" Lee wondered. "She couldn't possibly have grown annoyed at my absence?" he thought in shock. "I HAVE FAILED YOU, TENTEN-CHAN!"

* * *

Hurriedly shoving his test papers into a scroll, Iruka rushed out of the building before anyone could catch him and ask him to stay late.

It had been, without a doubt, a long day.

The door to the bar swung open and crashed against the wall. The room was dark, the light coming in from behind the frame extending his shadow, and, he thought ironically, giving him quite the opportunity to capture all the bar's occupants in the Nara's Shadow Technique, if only he was a Nara.

Iruka moved away from the doorway and stomped towards the bar. He shoved the scroll into his vest, really not caring if it wrinkled, ripped, or was otherwise marred from perfection. He'd already graded the tests, after all.

The barman stared as he dropped himself into a stool. "What'll it be?" Inoue Kazuo asked.

Iruka glared at him. "The usual, dammit. Doubled!"

The bar gasped in collective shock. The _usual_? _Doubled?!_ The end was most assuredly near. Iruka-sensei was a sweet, gentle man. If he needed a drink this badly, something was wrong.

Kazuo set Iruka's drink heavily on the bar. "Are you sure, man?" he asked.

Iruka glared again, and gripped the cup's handle. "Yes." He stared the man down until his hand released the booze. Lifting it to his lips, Iruka downed half the drink in one sip. "I hate academy testing."


	13. So what if I did?

**So what if I did?**

"Sooooo," Mizuki said, the alcohol on his breath enough to make the plants cringe away, even at this distance, "you are... gotta steal the Scroll. Of Sealing. It's a scroll, but… there's no… there's no sealing in it… anyway, you get that, learn a move, and you pass!"

"Really?" Naruto asked, excited at the second chance he was being given. He thought it was a little bit questionable that Mizuki-sensei was so drunk, and in fact, had spent the whole day in an inebriated state, but who was Naruto to question the Fates as dictated by the Ramen Kamis? If there was a way he could pass the genin exam and become a true ninja, he'd take it! He finally made some real friends and he couldn't let them down now. Not to mention, it would be a lot more difficult becoming Hokage of a shinobi village if he wasn't even a ninja himself. He nodded. He'd accept drunk-Mizuki-sensei's challenge.

Seeing his student's affirmation, Mizuki smirked. "Great. Now, 'ere's whatcha gotta do…"

* * *

Sakura quietly slipped into her bedroom, motioning for Shin and Sai to stay with her and make no noise.

Closing the window as silently as possible, Sakura turned to the door and cracked it open. "KAACHAN!" she yelled at the top of her lungs. "I'M HOME!"

The resounding crash of glass meeting a tile floor was her response as her mom clearly freaked out and dropped…

"ANOTHER DISH! Dagnammit, Sakura, can't you use the door like a normal person?!" Haruno Mebuki yelled up the staircase.

"Hehehe," Sakura chuckled. "Sorry, Kaachan," she said, somehow in the kitchen already sweeping the mess. Noticing Sai and Shin behind her, she turned to her mother. "Also, these are my new friends, Sai and Shin."

Mebuki smoothed her hair. "It's lovely to meet you boys," she said graciously, simultaneously glaring at her daughter and smiling at the duo.

"You as well, Haruno-san," returned Shin.

"Oh my, so polite!" she said happily, beginning to mentally plan his and Sakura's wedding.

Sakura, recognizing that expression, nudged Sai into action. "Thank you for inviting us into your home," he said smoothly. He was proud of himself for learning so quickly. Sakura looked pleased too.

Mebuki smiled at him as well, noting that he was in fact closer to her sweet daughter's age than this older child. She adjusted the wedding date in her mental calendar, and made a note to order a smaller tux for the groom.

"Right… well anyway," Sakura said, again knowing the look on her mother's face. "We'd best be going. I think Ino and the girls wanted to meet up for something."

"Ino-chan? I didn't think you guys were friends anymore," her mother said as diplomatically as one could say such a thing.

"We're ninja now, Kaachan. We can't afford to have petty fights when one of us could die on any mission," Sakura said sensibly.

Shin gave Sakura a rebuking glance. "Don't worry, Haruno-san. Sakura-chan exaggerates the dangers of her missions. She'll be doing D-ranks for the first few months anyway," he assured the distraught lady.

"Hah, that's what you think," Sakura muttered. Shin shoved her towards the door as he patted her mother's arm gently."You wait 'til the Wave mission," she grumbled. "Right, right, going!" she said. Grabbing Sai's arm, they left the house, leaving Shin to deal with her mother.

"Will he be all right?" Sai asked.

"Oh yeah, the worst that will happen is Kaachan trying to feed him." Sakura grinned. "Don't worry, she's a much better cook than I am."

"Oh," replied Sai, glancing at the house one more time. "Where are we going?"

"We have to go make sure Naruto kicks Mizuki's butt and learns Kage Bunshin," Sakura told him.

"Ah… does this sort of thing happen often outside of Root?" he wanted to know.

* * *

Ino waited for the others to join her, thinking over the events of the day thus far. As far as she knew, Hinata had successfully befriended Naruto; Sakura had liberated the ANBU Root members, appeared to have acquired Uchiha Sasuke as a stalker, and killed the Elder Council, though it was up to debate as to whether that would turn out to be a good decision this early on or not; and Ino herself had ensured that Shikamaru and Chouji would want to be placed on a team with her by bribing them with barbeque. Okay, okay, she'd bribed Chouji, but that was the beauty of her plan—Chouji was convinced and Shikamaru was far, far too lazy to bother arguing with him. Success all around!

Now she just had to find out what Anko and Temari were up to…

A rustle in the bushes warned her she was not alone. "Hinata-chan?" she asked.

"Hi, Ino!" Sakura's voice said instead.

"Hey… you brought… your clone?" Ino asked, eyebrow raised.

"We can drop the pretense. And yes, I couldn't very well leave him alone with my mother!"

Sai looked offended. "We don't harm innocents," he said haughtily.

"So cute when he was little!" Ino said, reaching over to pinch his cheek. He slapped her hand away. "And feisty!"

"No, no, not because of that," Sakura said, waving her hands. "I mean, you wouldn't be safe with her."

Sai's eyes narrowed.

"She'd fatten you up well before I got home," Sakura explained. "Where is Hinata?"

Ino snorted. "Probably already in the forest, lurking as a bush or something."

Sakura nodded, about to say more when another figure joined them, coughing slightly as if to both make them aware of her presence and to inform them that she did not appreciate their little jibes, thank you very much. "Hey, Hinata!"

"Sakura, Ino. Sai," the Hyuuga greeted coolly, pulling off her sunglasses and stuffing them into a pocket.

Ino and Sakura stared, both seemingly realizing something incredible at the same time.

"Sunglasses!" Sakura said. "So we're inconspicuous! Nice thinking!"

Hinata grinned as Ino face-palmed. "I was actually thinking how weird it is that Hinata has an outfit that is identical to Naruto's but with a reverse pattern… how long have you had that thing?"

Hinata blushed, saying nothing.

"Because unless you woke up very early this morning and made it…" Ino began.

"You would have had to owned it before, in our original… um, you know," Sakura finished. They both wore growing expressions of horror at the mere thought of it.

"So what if I did?" Hinata said, blushing heavily and trying to not be offended.

"Oh, dear kami." Sakura and Ino could only stare at each other. "Oh, dear kami," Sakura repeated.

"Anyway," said Hinata, growing exasperated with the lack of action. "Shall we go stalk Naruto-kun?"

"Does she really need our help?" Ino stage whispered to Sakura.

* * *

"Where do you think he could be?" Tenten asked.

Gai shook his head. "I am uncertain. The Youthful Lee could be anywhere by now."

"Well," Tenten began logically, "if he is going to be a missing-nin anyway, we might as well just head on out and meet up with him later."

Gai-sensei appraised her with approving eyes. "So wise, Tenten-chan!" he cheered. Neji flopped around on his shoulder, unconscious and unable to do anything about his circumstances. The group continued their trek to the gate, many of the citizens giving Gai a wide berth for the pupil he carried across his back.

"Tenten?" a familiar voice called.

She looked around. "Sakura? What's up?"

"Um," Sakura began. "Where are you going and why is Gai-sensei carrying an unconscious Neji on his back?"

"Oh. Well, you see, we're going to become missing-nin," Tenten explained.

As Gai bemoaned their cruel fate in the background and also berated his student for informing the "enemy" of what was going on, Sakura raised an eyebrow and said, "I am pretty darn sure that this was never an issue before."

"Really?" Tenten asked, squinting as she thought. "Are you positive? Because it feels kind of natural," she said honestly.

Sakura rolled her eyes. "And everyone says _my_ team is weird."

Ino snorted. "Your team _is_ weird. But yeah, Tenten, I can assure you this didn't happen before. So whatever weirdness is going on, you might want to stop it."

"Hmm," Tenten began. "But what if it is better this way? I mean, if we were about to go become missing-nin just because I wore weights today, perhaps the fates are just aligning and—"

"Dagnammit, Tenten!" Sakura yelled. "You are not going to become missing-nin! Gai-sensei, take Neji to the hospital; his head is lolling all over the place and I think I see drool. Then go home. Lee is somewhere in the village; he passed us earlier. Tenten, you're coming with us."

No one dared argue with her authority, and Ino assisted in grabbing Tenten's other arm and dragging her back to the forest where Hinata had remained hidden to spy on Naruto.

Gai blinked. "Oh. Well. Hehe. Okay then." Turning, he trotted off back to the hospital, intent on ensuring his student received the best medical care Konoha could offer. A citizen of the village deserved no less.

* * *

"It was so nice seeing Baki-san," Anko remarked.

"How do you even know him?" Nameless asked.

"Oh, you know," she said vaguely.

"Actually, I don't. Which is why I asked," he clarified.

"All right, she should be here. You wanna go in this time?" Anko offered.

Nameless sniffed his nose despairingly. "To a card house? No thanks," he passed. "I'll take my chances."

Anko snorted, then realized he was serious. "No pun intended, eh?" she muttered as she crossed the threshold. "TSUUUUUUNAAAAADEEEEEEE!" she yelled into the building. "ARE YOU HERE!?"

"NO!" came a shout, followed by scuffling noises and a pig squeal.

Anko gave Nameless a satisfied smirk. "Looks like I found her," she said tauntingly.

"Wooo," Nameless replied, waving his hands sarcastically around, as if to ward off bad juju.

"Tsunade-sama," Anko said, rushing up to the woman who was hastily shoving poker chips down her shirt. "Konoha needs you."

The blonde halted her actions and turned her head to face her former teammate's ex-pupil. "Needs me? Konoha?" She snorted. "I'll bet."

Anko sighed, pinching her nose between her fingers. "That's right, I remember Jiraiya going on about what a pain in the butt it was to get you back the first time," she muttered. "But he dragged the Uzumaki kid with him back then…"

"Uzumaki?" Tsunade asked, suddenly interested, though trying very hard to pretend not to be. A poker chip slipped from her grasp and clattered on to the table.

"Yeah, Uzumaki Naruto," Anko replied. "Ya know him?" she asked.

Nameless's eyes narrowed. Anko might be an obnoxious heathen, but she certainly knew what she was doing as a shinobi.

Tsunade's gaze was unfocused.

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune barked, forcing her mentor back to the present.

"Yes, sorry," she shook her head. "I am not going to Konoha, no matter what."

"Okay," Anko said, shrugging. "We tried our best. I suppose we shall take our leave, Iwana," she said, heading to the door.

"So she did know my name!" he mumbled to himself, shocked.

"Naruto'll have to rely on his… visitor… to recover from his battle with Mizuki. And I guess he'll learn Kage Bunshin as a pre-genin despite all our efforts otherwise." She sighed dramatically. "Woe is me," she added, flapping a hand to her forehead and looking skyward.

Tsunade's eyes twitched. She knew what this woman was doing, and dagnammit if it wasn't working anyway. "Wait," she ground out. "Why. Is. Naruto. Fighting. His. Teacher?"

Shizune was surprised. "You've been keeping tabs on him!" she said accusingly.

Her mentor's gaze was only a few levels away from positively scathing. "Of course I have. Like I would let my relative's baby grow up without my interference. Looks like I'm getting involved earlier than planned, though."

"Out of curiosity," Iwana began, "when exactly did you plan on getting involved?"

"The Talk of Life," Tsunade said. "When he's thirty."

Anko snorted loudly, but made no comment, figuring the sooner they returned to Konoha, the better. Tsunade would be quite displeased to hear that Naruto's battle was absolutely going to occur no matter what, but Sarutobi-sama would be pleased that his third pupil was back in town.

"Interesting," another, unnoticed occupant of the card house remarked. "So Uzumaki-kun is learning Kage Bunshin already? Won't Orochimaru-sama love to hear this?"

"Who is that guy talking to?" the owner whispered to the card dealer.

"No idea. Whatever you do, don't make eye contact," the other replied. "They're all crazy!" he said, waving his hands above his head to emphasize his point.

The owner edged away, eyeing his employee warily.

* * *

"Oh my kami," Temari grumbled in frustration. "What a pansy. Why on earth did he faint?" she complained.

Gaara looked at his older brother with a blank expression.

"Never mind, just fix the wall and then we'll get him out of here. The innkeeper is probably going to come yelling about the rooms if we don't fix them fast, and we still have to find Baki-sensei."

Nodding, Gaara set to work as Temari grabbed a vase of flowers from a dresser and threw it at their sibling.

"Um," Gaara began hesitantly.

"Yes?"

"I know I know little about such things," he said. "But aren't you supposed to only dump the water on the person, not the whole thing?" he inquired.

"Ah. You may be right," Temari said with a frown. "On the other hand, he's a ninja—supposedly—so he may require more force."

"I thought shinobi were light sleepers?"

Temari snorted. "Not this one."

Kankuro, meanwhile, groaned painfully.

"Wake up, moron!" Temari said, slapping his cheeks roughly.

"Ow, why are you hitting me?" he grumbled. Sitting up, he shrieked a shrill shriek and somehow managed to jump back despite still sitting on the ground. "You! Imposter!" he cried. "Gaara, quick, step away from this girl! She's trying to kidnap you to take you back to Kumogakure!"

"You have got to be kidding me," Temari said as she face-palmed. "Why on earth would you even think that?" she asked her foolish otouto.

"Well, let's see," Kankuro began scathingly. "First you tried to hug _Gaara_, then you convinced Father to let you go on a random mission to a person who we don't even know exists, in the middle of Konohagakure no Sato, no less, a village you know we are trying to invade in a few months; then, we go off on our so-called mission, and you stop and _buy Gaara lunch_. Not to mention, when we do stop in this town, you—Heartless Temari of Sunagakure—are suddenly concerned for the state of this village and the welfare of the innkeeper!"

"Wow," Temari said. "I'm beginning to see a depressing pattern." She looked sadly at the ground. "I was such an _asshole_," she told the dirt.

Kankuro could not contain his shock.

"And you," she said with deep sorrow, "you are no better… Oh, otouto!" she cried, turning from Kankuro to face Gaara. "Can you ever forgive me? I've been awful! We really have to get to Naruto; he's the only one who can fix this!"

Just then, Baki rounded the corner and fell to his knees in relief at the sight of his three pupils, all in one piece… though Kankuro did appear to be covered in the remains of a flower vase, but Baki was not one to ask questions. "Thank kami, you're here!" He glanced at the hole in the wall. "I don't even want to know, and at this point, I don't care what we originally planned on doing here, we're almost to Konoha, we're just going to finish the journey and find that kid."

"Naruto," Temari said helpfully.

Baki waved a hand, as if to say, "Details, schmetails," in a condescending manner. He stood from the floor. "C'mon kids, I've had enough of today." He dragged Kankuro upright and began marching down the hallway.

Gaara finished repairing the wall and raised his eyebrow skin at Temari. "I have no idea what he's been through," she replied to his unspoken query. "Something tells me we'll find out soon."

* * *

**AN: **_So below is my original scene for when Kakashi realizes his Icha Icha never even left his home. I thought it was funny but what is in the story fit better._

The book. The _book_. _The_ book.

_Where was it?!_

Kakashi had searched his jacket, the dango stand, the monument, his jacket, his pants, the monument, the path he normally took, his weapons pouch, and it was still nowhere to be found.

"Oh. I haven't checked my house," he muttered, then giggled sheepishly, pulling his pants back on. "Woopsie."

An old lady, meanwhile, fainted from shock, and a few days later, after recuperating in the hospital, was taken to a nearby mental health institute to recover from delusions of having seen _the_ Hatake Kakashi's pink and lavender puppy boxers.

**Thanks for reading! =)**


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